#((I was going to say that this is nothing but self-indulgence but that's technically every Lukanette piece I write))

[mc-lukanette]

Marinette was just tired, staring down at the ice cream on the ground as Andre scrambled to get her another. A fun time with her friends to run around Paris and maybe get a chance with Adrien had turned into a spotlight of embarrassment for her. The "couple time" her friends had been planning on having was now ruined to focus entirely on her, when all she wanted now was curl up into a corner and cry.

She felt bitter, watching as the mess on the bridge started to melt. It was like some sort of metaphor for how her attempts and opportunities all failed or slipped through her grasp, slowly but surely.

Andre grabbed her wrist and practically forced a replacement ice cream cone into her hand, saying stuff about how the magic doesn't lie and he must've just gotten the colors wrong, but she honestly wasn't listening anymore. She was in her own head, wondering, What would've been the point anyway? It's not like Adrien was coming to see me.

She couldn't see any reality in which that was false. He would've come for his friends, or for the thrill of the search, or maybe even just to have some ice cream. Even if she'd managed to make it all work out and share with him, what were the odds of everything afterward working out? She'd try to say something romantic and would mess it up, or he'd misunderstand and brush it off as nothing, or she'd be bumped into again and send the ice cream right onto his expensive clothes.

She winced at the thought. Maybe him not showing up was just a blessing in disguise, saving her from the humiliation of doing anything and having it all go wrong.

Marinette didn't want to make a big deal out of it, refusing to risk ruining her friends' time further. She diverted her attention to the ice cream cone in her hand, noting the blue and pink colors that she suspected were her own. Maybe Andre had just truly given up on her and this was the sign that it was a lost cause?

Or maybe he just realized that there was no way Adrien was coming and tried to save himself.

She stepped aside from everyone and sat down at a bench, keeping her distance from the happy couples while she poked at the ice cream with her tiny spoon. Andre wasn't exactly wrong if her thoughts on his mindset were true. Adrien always seemed to be unavailable when it mattered, and if she wanted to let herself spiral a little more, it almost seemed intentional.

After all, wasn't it a little too convenient that Adrien had missed out on the preparation for the music festival - when it would've been easiest for her to talk to him - just to show up afterward? Or for Adrien to have gotten the okay to go for ice cream only to be suddenly unavailable? Perhaps it would've been easy to pass those off if it weren't for the fact that Nino so rarely complained about their time together, and Adrien's schedule had been magically free when it came to him setting Nino up with her.

If her suspicions were accurate, then either Adrien knew how she felt and was doing everything possible to avoid her, or he just generally found her uncomfortable to be around; maybe even thought she was weird. Part of her wanted to defend that, suggesting that saying nothing was the "nice" thing to do, but her history of crushing on him when she apparently had no chance would disagree with that. She would've saved herself a lot of time then.

She huffed to herself, scooping up a bit of her ice cream and resolving to eat her sorrows away instead. Faintly recalling Andre's comment about how the magic only works if you eat it, she shook her head in disbelief and thought with a bittersweet expression, If I need magic to make him come see me, then what's the point?

She had opened her mouth, ready to finally taste the sweet treat, when a voice called out, "Marinette?"

Marinette paused, looking towards the source. Luka was standing just at the end of the bridge, presumably having been walking by as he spotted her. She smiled, wordlessly inviting him over, and he returned it as he made his way towards her.

"What are you up to?" she asked, genuinely curious.

"I was just taking a walk to the Trocadéro," he replied, his casual tone assuring her that she wasn't delaying anything serious, "but then I heard your song and wanted to check."

She ducked her head shyly, using her ice cream as an excuse to look away from him. She finally ate a bit, letting the taste of blueberry melt into her mouth. Already, she was feeling a little better.

When she looked back up, Luka hadn't looked away from her. Their friends (if they were Luka's friends anyway; they might've only been Juleka's) were only a small distance away, as well as the ice cream stand, but he didn't seem inclined to leave even to go say "hi."

Smiling, Marinette used her spare hand to pat the spot on the bench next to her, not unlike when he invited her to sit on his bed. Luka didn't waste any time, happily taking a seat beside her.

Whether or not he knew the legend, she was certain that he must've seen both the couples as well as the ice cream they were sharing that was made exactly like hers. She felt grateful at the idea that he was intentionally not prodding, even if he might've been curious.

"Someone didn't show," she explained anyway, fidgeting with her cone, "but I also might've gotten ditched."

He frowned, a hand going to her shoulder in sympathy. "I'm so sorry."

She shook her head, appreciating but not needing the comment. "It's okay. It was never going to work out anyway."

She wondered for a second if she was just fooling herself, but Luka's smile assured her otherwise. If he believed her, she must've meant it.

"Still," Luka began as he leaned back, crossing his ankles before continuing, "in our band, Rose writes the lyrics and I'm in charge of the music. Jule and Ivan feel bad about it sometimes, but we're all putting in effort to make it come together, so we don't mind."

Marinette hummed, nodding as she took that in. She could understand that, of course, given that she'd put effort into just about everything she did, from gaming to fashion to romance.

She never got any effort returned for the latter, either because it all went bad before reaching its intended recipient or it didn't change anything. She still had to ask for Adrien's whereabouts and information when she wanted to know, she'd thought they'd bonded over a shared love of games yet he never mentioned it to her again, and in retrospect, despite her image of him as the kind prince locked away in a tower, he hadn't given her a hand or showed any concern when Chloe shoved her.

The one thing she could think of was the charm he'd given her on her birthday based on the charm that she'd given him - which was so often a defense she came up with in her head - only now she’d finally remembered that she had loaned it to him and he'd just held onto it, thus making the situation seem substantially less romantic. It also didn't escape her that her luck had somehow gotten worse since then, even it was just the universe personally spiting her. "Hey, I'm glad you like having my luck and everything, but can I have it back?" she asked the imaginary Adrien in her head.

Luka had the luxury for her of being an "outsider" to all of it. They'd only met recently, so his knowledge of her relationships was extremely limited. Had it been one of the girls instead, they probably would've asked before she'd even gotten the chance to bring it up.

This was nice. Luka was nice. She still felt bubbly thinking about his apology at the first sign she was upset by him, how his first instinct was to protect her from the akuma, and the way he asked about her first to Ladybug even after having safely hidden her away. It was entirely possible that it had nothing to do with her and that it was just how Luka cared for people, but she actually liked that thought more.

"...Oh," she uttered in realization, noting that she was sitting there with ice cream while Luka wasn't. She turned to him, ensuring that he could see the second spoon still stuck in the ice cream. "Do you want any?"

His gaze flickered from the ice cream to her, confirming that she meant her ice cream. She nodded and he happily took the second spoon, adding a soft, "Thanks. I don't know what you got, but I love the colors."

She beamed, admiring the way his black nails stuck out against the color of the spoon as he scooped some of the ice cream she'd yet to try. Even in his mannerisms, he was such a sweetheart—

Wait.

"Ah—Luka, stop!" Marinette hurried to say, reaching out but not quite touching his wrist. "That's Sweetheart's Ice Cream! Maybe we should get you a different one."

He stopped, blinking at her confusedly. She'd honestly thought he'd know what she was talking about without her having to explain, but he seemed truly clueless.

"Um..." She gestured at it with her free hand. "People go all over Paris looking for Andre so they can taste his Sweetheart's Ice Cream." She raised a finger as she made her point. "They say that if two people eat it together, they'll be together forever!"

Huh. It actually sounded a little ridiculous when she said it to someone who didn't know.

She forged on anyway, figuring that she might as well finish what she started, "I-I don't want to magically attach us together? Especially because you didn't know that and..." She pouted, unsure if it was okay to touch on the topic but adding, "I thought you might have a girlfriend already? Or a boyfriend?"

Luka's eyes left hers to look at the tiny bit of ice cream on his spoon. He turned it left and right like he was trying to spot what exactly made it so magic, but it looked blatantly like normal, plain ice cream.

Eventually, he shrugged, catching her free hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Thanks for looking out for me, Marinette, but I've never had anyone like that."

"Wh—really?" The shock of him knowing nothing of Sweetheart's Ice Cream paled in comparison to him never having had a partner. "So you're single?"

She'd asked out of sheer curiosity, but blushed when it became apparent how they sounded.

Luka, her savior from embarrassment, didn't even flinch and took it in stride. "Yeah." He looked back down at the ice cream, wondering aloud, "Do you believe in it?"

"Believe in...?" It took Marinette a second to remember what they'd been talking about. She followed his gaze to the ice cream, thinking the question over seriously. Could there actually be a magical solution to tie her to someone, or even just to help? Her parents had gotten together and thought fondly of their time with Sweetheart's Ice Cream, but did they actually believe in it? As Luka had asked, did she believe in it?

"...No. I don't think so," she sighed.

Funnily (or maybe tragically) enough, being Ladybug and getting exposed to the world's "magic" had made her more critical of the idea. "Magic" never actually solved any of her problems and often made them worse instead.

"I like what you said," she added with a self-conscious chuckle, "about effort. Sharing ice cream is nice, but there's no magic to it."

He nodded in agreement. "We don't have to worry then."

"Are you sure?" she continued to prod, though at this point it might not have been about the "magic" element anymore.

Instead of answering, he finally ate the ice cream that had been on his spoon, a pleased hum following at the taste. "Even if it was true, I wouldn't mind."

"You... wouldn't mind being tied to me?" she asked, her blush deepening. His directness was good - really, really good - because it left no room for her to misinterpret it, but she certainly wasn't used to it.

"Mhm." He confirmed it like it wasn't a big deal, but there was a warmth to his face that could've melted the ice cream on contact. "You're talented, amazing, and brave. Why wouldn't I?"

Marinette had experienced flirting before, but only under a mask. Even beyond Chat, there were a few people she'd saved who couldn't help but get a word in about how pretty she was or how awesome it was that she'd thrown the akuma into a web she'd fashioned out of her yoyo.

This was different though. He wasn't saying it to charm her, or gush about strength and dexterity she could only achieve after being powered up. He was just saying how he honestly felt without an ounce of exaggeration.

Shy, she attempted to take a bit more ice cream to give herself time to respond, but a bit turned to a lot when she mistakenly scooped too much. Trying not to laugh, she bit her bottom lip, almost in awe by how things had turned around after just a bit of introspection. She hadn't even realized how much was weighing her down until she let it all go.

"...Luka," she dared to call, throwing caution to the wind. When their gazes met, she held the spoon out to him encouragingly.

His lips parted for a moment - the first sign of throwing him off she'd gotten today - but like a puppy being offered a treat, he obediently leaned over and opened his mouth further to clamp down on the ice cream.

It did actually feel a little magic, but she was certain that it wasn't the legend's doing.

——

——

Marinette walked into her kitchen, letting her long hair down as she prepared to relax for the day. It was still strange getting used to having her own house, but not unwelcome, and one of the biggest pluses was that she didn't have to dig through her parents' weird dessert tastes in the freezer to get to what she wanted.

Pulling out two containers of ice cream at random - welcoming a little chaos in mixing the flavors - she set them on the counter and took out two bowls as well. Scooping an appropriate amount of the two flavors into them ("appropriate" for a lazy day anyway), she added one spoon in each before putting the containers back and taking the bowls out to the living room.

Luka, her boyfriend of almost five years, was skimming through a selection of movies on the couch to decide what they should watch. At the first sight of her though, he stopped, setting them down and welcoming her close.

She set her bowl down on the table, holding the other out to him and taking the time to give him a kiss on the forehead. He responded by pulling her down to kiss her chin, never one to leave a smooch unreturned.

Pulling back, she took in the sight of him holding ice cream and giggled. Unapologetically, she stated, "I guess that ice cream legend was right after all. You've already been stuck with me for years."

Luka raised a brow at her and smirked, catching the joke instantly. He held his arm out, allowing her to plop down next to him and snuggle against his side. "Mm, maybe I should've listened to you back then." Their lips met in a kiss as he blindly reached for the spoon in his bowl, scooping up some ice cream with it. "But you know what I said."

Marinette nodded, tucking her hair behind her earring-less ears before accepting the bite he fed her. "Mhm~" She took her time to savor the taste before swallowing, smiling contentedly as she responded, "I didn't mind being tied to you either."

[justporo]

Instead of Roses

It's your birthday! And oh, your vampire knows how to treat you so well - in every kind of way.

MASTERLIST | AO3

Author's Note: Well, technically my birthday is already over by half an hour - but we'll say it counts. I wanted to write a *small* self-indulgent thing for myself as much as you as a treat. Don't we all know how these things go in the end around here... Have tooth-rotting fluff that turns into smut! Enjoy!

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You) Warnings: explicit sexual content, porn with feelings, vaginal fingering, nipple play, vaginal sex, creampie, aftercare Wordcount: 3,1k

~~~

You woke from Astarion softly kissing your cheek. His lips on your face feeling like a feather caressing it. He whispered against your skin in between kisses, making his way down to your throat. You felt his cool breath brush over your skin, leaving goosebumps on the nape of your neck.

Being softly dragged from your dreams you needed a few moments until you could make out what sweet nothings your vampire kept murmuring against your pulse point before he pressed his lips to the delicate skin there again.

“Good morning, darling,” Astarion mumbled again when you slowly opened your eyes and began stretching with him leaning over you, loosely caging you with his arm he was propped up on. “Happy birthday, my sweet,” he continued, his words so low they were merely more than a rumble in his throat.

“Hm, is it?” you murmured back sleepily and turned your head a little so you could look at your lover. Astarion was smiling ever so softly at you, curls still messy from sleep but his crimson eyes glimmering happily at you. He was shirtless - but had pants on for some reason - while you remained pleasantly naked beneath the covers.

You rolled your neck and stretched your limbs - like a cat would after getting up from a good rest. Astarion eyed you lovingly, smile growing into his signature smirk. He was definitely up to something - but when wasn’t he?

“I know you said you didn’t know when your actual birthday is,” he explained, cocking his head to his side observing you as you raised your eyebrows at him and couldn’t resist a deep yawn that rolled over you - and another big stretch. “So I thought: wouldn’t today be just perfect?” Astarion concluded and kissed you fully on the lips before nuzzling his nose behind one of your pointy ears, tickling you.

You shivered and chuckled and tried to push him off. But this only resulted in the pale elf wrapping his naked arms around you and tickling you more with the tip of his nose at the nape of your neck.

Wiggling in his arms you tried to escape him but it was no use.

Rolling around your enormous bed while the vampire was teasing you - his hands joining in to tickle you at your waist - it threatened to turn into full blown melee combat. Even with your hand in his face and fingers spread to push him off, Astarion only laughed and doubled down on his attacks by trying to nibble on your fingers - damned vampire.

But as you looked around for a weapon other than a pillow that, shoved in a vampire’s face, emitted a loud hiss from the predator but nothing more, your eyes wandered over something on your nightstand. And suddenly you smelled it too!

Stopping your efforts to escape Astarion - and he apparently deemed you sufficiently teased by tickling - you saw that a nice plate of scrambled eggs with veggies, a bowl of fresh strawberries and a nice steaming cup of tea was placed there. Along with a single white blossom that you recognised from your tiny garden, placed in a random chalice that usually was meant for wine.

“You made me breakfast?” you asked, feeling how warmth filled your chest at the image of a half-naked Astarion standing in the kitchen of your small townhouse to prepare food for you. You moved around a little until you were laying on your side. Astarion softly wrapped his arms around you and scooched up to you until he was spooning you. He pressed another kiss to the crown of your head.

“Of course, isn’t that what spouses do for their partner’s birthdays?”

Your heart was about ready to melt.

You craned your neck to give your vampire a kiss.

The eggs were a bit burned you had noticed. But it all smelled delicious and he’d prepared all your favourite things for you. He was really trying so hard - and succeeding even harder.

“You’re the sweetest, Astarion!” You beamed at him.

The vampire looked very pleased with himself.

“I know. Aren’t I just the best” - you hummed in agreement - “handsomest” - another hum but with lips curling into a teasing pout - “most forthcoming” - you huffed lightly - “and smar-”

Grabbing a nearby pillow you smacked him in the face with it. “And so humble too,” you replied sickeningly sweet as Astarion hissed at you once more and shoved the pillow out of his face - his hair even a little worse for wear than before.

You giggled while the vampire acted as if he was brooding - the corners of his lips dragging up betraying him though.

“Insolent little mi-”

But once more you interrupted him by straining to turn around to grab his face and kiss him. With your mouth moving against his you tried to convey how much your chest was swelling with love for him at this lovely gesture. How much you adored him.

And just to be sure: “You’re the best, Astarion,” you whispered against his lips while you felt the vampire’s hands start to roam under the covers while he hummed happily - not only soothed but pleased.

His hands kept wandering as the kiss deepened and slowed. And you gasped lightly into his mouth, as you sensed what he was about to do.

“I have more in stock for you, my sweet,” the vampire murmured against your lips when he broke the kiss as you felt his fingers purposefully slide down your naked form beneath the covers before quickly diving between your legs. You turned your head away once more, closing your eyes and felt how Astarion moved his head to lightly bite down on one of your pointy ears.

“So much more.”

His voice was almost a growl directly in it. You were still on your side, Astarion wrapped around you. He pressed his lips to this spot directly below your ear and made you shudder.

“Oh?” you almost moaned as the vampire’s long fingers stroked along your core, already getting wet from that and his sinful promise.

“Did you get me roses too?” you tried to tease him. But the way his index began circling your clit was making it hard to keep even an edge of sass towards the vampire in your voice.

Involuntarily, you bucked your hips with a gasp when his fingers stroked along the sensitive bud between your legs more forcefully. You rubbed your ass against his crotch, snuggled up behind you. Even through the covers and his pants you felt that he was just as hard for you as you were wet for him.

“No roses, my heart,” Astarion replied, lips directly at your ear again.

“I thought I’d give you something even more pleasant instead,” he whispered and in time with his words let two of his fingers enter you, taking you by surprise.

A moan was ripped from your lips. You threw your head back and arched your spine.

“How thoughtful of you,” you replied breathlessly as you felt your lover’s fingers wandering to your clit again, covering it in your own slick. Astarion just laughed haughtily, knowing exactly the effect he had on you.

The heat pooling between your legs as you absent-mindedly pressed your thighs together for even more friction was quickly becoming like lava. And Astarion didn’t give you much of a break. His other hand was working its way to your boobs now. It began to squeeze them, the vampire’s long fingers spread out, squishing them together as more lewd sounds spilled from your lips.

“Fuck,” you cursed when at the same time his fingers entered your cunt again and with his other hand he rolled your hardened nipple between his thumb and index.

“Who, love?” Astarion teased. “Me?” Another finger entered you. “You?” His other fingers pinched the hardened peak of your breasts. The groan caught in your throat.

“Both, you bastard,” you pressed out followed by a desperate moan as the vampire worked your body like a musician did his beloved instrument. Caressing and teasing simultaneously, lovingly but with force plucking and stroking to elicit the sweetest notes from you.

Gods, you needed more. You tried to open your legs to give your lover better access to work his magic but felt the bed sheets restrict you. With a frustrated groan you kicked them away, aided by Astarion momentarily letting go of your breasts. But once you were freed of all fabric his hand was quickly back where it had left off, kneading your tits as they felt heavy with lust.

You opened your legs wide for Astarion with a dreamy sigh as he pressed himself against you from behind harder now, rubbing his hardened length against your ass. With a grunt he bucked his hips into you as he rewarded your eagerness by stroking your clit with the pad of his thumb now.

He was doing this for you, you knew. But as his grip on you became stronger, a little more desperate and you felt his hard dick press against you, you knew this was as thrilling for him as it was for you. And that made the moans coming from you almost turn into growls while you arched your back harder, desperate to give you both some more friction to work with.

To be desired and loved by a man like him-

Just knowing this made you almost unravel fully beneath his deft fingers.

Astarion had buried his face at your neck, his lush curls softly tickling you and sending electric shivers through you.

For a while the room was filled with nothing but breathless, needy sounds from each of you.

“Astarion,” you moaned as you were practically grinding against his hand, trying to get more of this delicious sensation. Your vampire merely groaned in response - barely taking in how desperately his name was rolling off your tongue.

Your lover’s hands were all busy with offering you all the pleasure he thought you deserved. And seemingly his mind was all filled with you as well as his face was buried in your hair, his gasps and moans brushing over you. You felt his hardened length twitch in need even through his clothes.

“Astarion,” you exclaimed again, even more desperation in your voice now, feeling as if you might perish on the spot when his fingertips hit just that spot as they dragged over your clit again.

“What is it, my love?” he replied, voice almost as desperate as yours.

“Me-,” you gasped and bit your lip hard as the way your nipple was teased sent another jolt through your entire body. The vampire just made a quizzical sound in response.

 “Godsdammit,” you pressed out as he gave you not a moment of peace with how his hands worked your body. You could barely form half a thought.

“Fuck me, Astarion,” you almost shouted in frustration, your hands helplessly curling in the sheets. The tension inside you became almost unbearable.

But thankfully your partner finally moved to fulfil your request.

Astarion only shortly moved away from you to wiggle out of his pants while cursing profusely. Just by the way the bed was swaying under his struggles showed you how desperate he too must have been to answer your plea.

Quickly, you let your own hands take the place of your lovers’ so as to not lose any steam: squeezing your own tits with a moan. And with the other feeling how obscenely wet he’d gotten you. You  were a heated, desperate mess already - and you weren’t nearly done.

Soon after, you felt Astarion roll around again, his arms wrapping around you once more, his hands covering yours, lacing with them. His dick was hard as granite as he moved to let it slide along your hot, wet folds.

For a few delicious long moments your lover was rolling his hips into you, making his twitching length slide along your slit again and again - precum mixing with your wetness - while his and your hands together played around with you.

Your pleasure became his and vice versa, as if there were no bounds between his body and yours.

The sounds you made rose in pitch and lewdness as you revelled in the sensation and how wonderfully debaucherous it felt to be touched and caressed like that by the love of your life. And yet you didn’t even have him where you wanted him.

“Gods,” Astarion breathed as he took you in. How you writhed in his embrace: so needy and yet giving him so much. His movements almost halted, to bewitched by you. So you reminded him of what exactly you wanted.

“Fuck me, Astarion,” you pleaded with him again, grinding against his cock and his hand now to get him moving again. “Fuck me hard.”

Astarion’s breath caught in his throat at your harsh and enticing demand.

“Fuck me until I see stars,” you kept begging, your words like the beckoning song of a siren in the vampire’s ears.

Oh how sweet you sounded as you requested such frivolity, tempting him.

And Astarion wasn’t one to resist temptation. Not if it was so much more rewarding to give in. Not if it was you.

Suddenly he could barely move fast enough to comply, even with his roguish quickness and dexterous hands.

His fingers that had been teasing your tits together with yours grabbed your already lifted leg to give him easier access to your core. And between your legs your hands quickly worked together to lead the head of his impatiently jerking cock to your entrance. But not before you hadn’t let your hand stroke along his erect length, earning a helpless grunt that almost became a whimper from Astarion as your palm dragged along his cock and then his balls.

“Fuck,” he swore.

And somehow you found it in you to reply even as the head of his cock was sinking into you. “Who?” you teased, voice dripping with sarcasm. “You or me?”

But the vampire had the upper hand now as he bucked his hips to sink into you to the hilt with a single hard thrust. “You,” he growled back as you yelped in surprise. “In every sense possible.”

You tried to grip for something - for balance or to help you cope with the sudden sensation of how full you were, you didn’t even know. But Astarion didn’t let your hand, still joined with his between your legs, escape. So just the other curled in the sheets until your knuckles showed white.

Still trying to catch your breath you already felt how he almost fully withdrew from you. You mirrored him by slowly breathing out

But Astarion caught you off guard again, thrusting into you again, forcefully. His hand wrapped around your leg spread you further for him as he did it again. Slowly but vigorously rutting into you in a ragged rhythm that left you near breathless.

“Astarion,” you managed to utter between two thrusts. You were barely able to cope with how hard he fucked you now but still the way his name fell from your lips coaxed him on. Meanwhile you nearly lost your mind by how well you fulfilled your wish.

His thrusts became faster and harder still as he lifted you almost off the bed in his eager need to feel you. Feel you as fully and entirely as he could.

The hand between your legs, still entwined with yours, made your fingers circle around your clit together again as you had forgotten about it; too lost in how roughly he fucked you.

With every single thrust he hit so deep he was already making good on making you see stars and you knew your release would shatter you completely - not just stars then but a whole universe.

Nearing the edge and with the vampire plunging into you forcefully and fast now, you gave up on trying to keep your balance. But your vampire kept you close and steady, rearranging his other arm not spreading your legs for him so you were snuggly with your back against his chest.

And so he could keep moaning into your ear while the sounds you made became more and more  desperate whimpers: almost unable to keep up and also still begging for more. There was nothing left to form words anymore. Just him inside you and at the same time all around you as you felt the last of your threads came undone.

Your joint fingers between your legs mirrored his strong, fast pace and then-

You came with a scream and your voice breaking as Astarion kept fucking you through your orgasm. Floating somewhere far above your body, shuddering helplessly as the pinnacle of lust shook through you, you felt how Astarion came as well, dick twitching and spilling inside of you while he moaned your name over and over again like a credo. And even then he kept thrusting again, twice, thrice more in slow and hard movements, drawing out your orgasm for you and you drifted up even further.

Until you toppled over together in a shuddering, breathless mess, too exhausted to speak while you slowly returned to your earthly body.

Astarion carefully helped you lower your shivering leg and his arms held you carefully as you were almost laying on your stomach, him above you.

Still breathless and void of speech, he pressed a kiss to your cheek as you had your face buried in the pillows you were laying on.

Your vampire withdrew from you and began whispering soft loving words to you while his hands began rubbing your body.

When you finally had the breath and the mind for it you sluggishly mumbled something into the pillows.

“What’s that, my sweet?” Astarion asked who even with his vampiric senses couldn’t make out your words.

You turned your head slightly. “I said I love you, Astarion,” you repeated.

“I love you too, darling.”

“And then I said that I fear the eggs are cold now,” you repeated truthfully and yawned as a wave of blissful exhaustion from the earth shattering sex you just had washed over you.

From your lowered position you saw how your vampire stared quizzically at you. Then he burst into laughter. He slowly climbed off you and off the bed.

“Well, you insisted I’d fuck you first, so whose fault is that, my sweet, hm?”

Laughing more, he dodged the pillow that came flying for his head. Then he grabbed his pants and pulled them on.

“But just because it’s your birthday,” Astarion said with a pointed look, a dramatic sigh and a smirk on his lips “I’m making you fresh ones.”

And then with a wink he was off.

You smiled broadly - so hard your face hurt - and stayed there for a moment longer, reminiscing about how much you loved this stupid idiot.

Then you jumped off the bed, grabbed something to throw over your naked body and ran after Astarion to keep him company while he would inevitably burn another round of eggs for you.

~~~ If you enjoyed this you can support me by reblogging this! You can also support me on Kofi (pinned post on my profile)! ~~~ Taglist (DM if you want to be added please): @spacebarbarianweird @sunfire-ancunin @tragedybunny @dependsonthedream @tallymonster @magazzne @micropoe10 @aoirohi @my-bunny-prince @lumienyx @fayeriess @darlingxdragon @hereliesblackdragon @ayselluna @ajokeformur-ray @i-cant-get-into-my-other-account @rikuyrk06 @marina-and-the-memes @somewhatclear @miss-rebel-without-applause

[lacrimosathedark]

The Radioapple Haters™️ are at it again.

This time they're attacking shippers with the newly released Playbill.

There's so many issues with that. Beyond harassing people for ships is dumb.

This is what people are pointing at.

This is on the cast info page. It says Lucifer misses his wife.

So, three things about that.

Firstly, We Been Knew, babe.

His very first appearance, after his daughter says her parents split up, he's in a room covered in pictures of not just said daughter, but her mother too, and he's still wearing a presumed wedding band. If that's not "showing not telling" with a goddamn airhorn, idk how more clear it could get without Lucifer flat out saying he misses Lilith. So like...this is not new info. So there's nothing to really rub in. We knew this.

Secondly, this is in-character Lucifer saying this.

I'm not a professional, but when I was in high school performances, we wrote our own little Playbill bio info things. That seems to carry into professional ones too. If you can read the actual cast, some of the the actors less entrenched in the fandom culture have basically an IMDB of their relevant previous roles, while the ones you see at cons are more personable. Those were written by the actors. So, logically, the character bios are written as if by the characters. This could not be made more obvious.

So, logically, you can read that little above as Lucifer himself actually saying he misses his wife. Which leads me to--

Third, break-ups are messy and painful and Lucifer not moving on, unwilling to remove his ring or call Lilith his ex, doesn't mean they are still together. Hell, they could still even be technically married, doesn't mean they're still romantically entangled.

Look, I know the only seeming one-sided relationships in the show is Vox/Alastor and Adam/Lilith and every other "pair" are together or at least friendly (Chaggie, Huskerdust, Cherrisnake, Staticmoth, Guitarspear) but not every separation has to be a violent resentful split. Lucifer is explicitly Depressed™️ which can be hard for any partner to deal with, especially someone as ambitious as Lilith. It wouldn't be surprising if she, not even cruelly, thought she'd be more successful away from him even if he still loves her.

And all this is on top of the fact that most Radioapple shippers don't expect their ship to happen (some hope it does, some hope it doesn't, I'm personally neutral on the concept), and that a lot of writers and artists explicitly acknowledge and use Lucifer's love for Lilith in Radioapple because people love the drama.

I have several posts listing why one might ship Radioapple so I won't go off about it here, but suffice to say the entanglement between Lilith and Alastor and how the two are similar and different makes interacting with Lucifer interesting from any angle.

This also hurts me personally a bit because a lot of these people are Lucilith shippers and, yall, I'm one of you. I don't want them to get back together for many reasons, but I would love to see endless flashbacks of them obnoxiously in love. Most of my favorite works of fanart aren't even Radioapple, my primary ship, but Lucilith, in large part because of how adorable they are. How indulgent or smitten Lilith can look. How adorably excited or flustered or just happy Lucifer can be.

I love Lucilith. I adore Lucifer. I just also think his interactions with Alastor are funny and intriguing.

We don't need to hate each other. We can try to keep our little sandboxes separate, but we can play nice when we spill into each other, can't we?

I am really just so sick of the silly in-fighting. It costs zero dollars and zero energy to not be a dick. Need to type out a rant to get it out and off your chest? cool. But you can post it privately or delete it instead of going into peoples' ask boxes and and posts to be nasty. Not having the self control and wherewithal to not go out of your way to be a dick to people is honestly pretty pathetic. If you think you're so much better, prove it by being better, or being smug in your space. Making people feel like shit for a nonexistent fictional relationship does literally nothing for anyone and makes YOU look worse.

Dislike the ship all you want. No one cares either way. Just don't waste your limited time in this life making your distaste everyone else's problem.

[leosxrealm]

-ᴋɪꜱꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴛᴜᴘɪᴅ-

pairings: M. Kaiser x male! reader

warning(s): Kaiser, a teensy bit of angst, fluff, enemies to lovers (kinda), a little bit of cursing

a/n: this is pretty much self indulgent. i thought of a tall reader when i was writing it, although i’m not as tall as Kaiser lol. the Kaiser brain rot is real T_T this looked way better in my head

wc: 2.4k

!not proofread!

nobody infuriated you more than Michael fucking Kaiser.

not only did he pretend to be superior to you; he looked down on every walking, talking, living creature. he never failed to make your blood boil, especially, when he spoke to you like you were nothing more than a peasant, born to serve him. you were a calm, level-headed person; but even you found it difficult not to punch that shitty smile off his face.

you felt like you had won the lottery at having the worst luck. you just so happened to live in the same building as him; just on different floors. you couldn't count the number of times you had taken the stairs to your apartment floor, just so you won't run into him at the elevator, or when you would parked your car far from your block, just so you wouldn't run into him in the morning when he was leaving for practice.

---

your hands were shaking, the rational part of your brain begging you to not throw a punch at the man standing before you. taking a deep breath in, you sighed. he deserves that punch, but you were better than this. better than him. swiftly turning away from him, you continued to search for your favorite cereal.

you had the misfortune of running into him during your monthly grocery shopping. and now he wouldn't leave you alone. why was he even here? it wasn't like he was buying anything. at least not anymore. he had left the shopping cart in the milk aisle when he spotted you. seriously? wasn't this dude some famous soccer player? shouldn't he be at, i don't know, practice or something?

"so? what do you say?" he asks with a charming smile plastered on his face. "no," you replied without looking his way. what was he asking you anyway? you really weren't listening to him. you missed the way his smile dropped a little, but he was determined to get you to come. if Michael Kaiser was anything, it was stubborn.

"why not? i'm even giving you the vip tickets," he said in a way that almost sounded like a whine. you turned around to face him and almost regretted it when you saw his smile widen a bit. you blinked at him, confused out of your mind. tickets? to what? a game? was he inviting you to watch his game?

"tickets to what?" you questioned him with a small tilt of your head. and the worst part? you looked genuinely confused. Kaiser visibly deflated when he realized you weren't paying attention to him. he regained his posture quickly before bobbing his head up and down in a form of a nod, "it's next week. saturday. and you have to come."

taking yet another deep breath, you turned around, dragging your cart with you. was this guy seriously ordering you to come to his game? even the slightest of a chance of you going to his game was just yeeted out of the top floor of the tallest building.

"hm? (name)?" and he had the audacity to follow you around like a puppy after all that. he put his hand on top of your shoulder, trying to turn you to look at him. your hand was gripping the cart like your life depended on it. well, technically a life did depend on it. not yours, but Kaiser's. you swear you were so close to killing him.

you swatted his hand away, quite harshly, leaving him behind. he watched your back, before you turned to a different aisle, completely disappearing from his sight. looking down at his hand, Kaiser could see the red mark left behind. it slowly was beginning to sting too. ignoring the pain, he stuffed his hands in his pants. he walked out of the grocery store, with a frown on his face. the things he came to buy were long forgotten. a single question lingering in his mind, did you really hate him that much?

---

days went by and it had been suspiciously quiet all week. it almost felt too good to be true. it was finally saturday. the weekend was here. phew, finally you can relax now. no more dealing with people. you came back from your morning run to see a white envelope tucked in your gate. gently tearing it, you looked at the contents inside of it. they were tickets to a soccer game. Bastard München vs PXG?

you searched your brain to figure out why that name sounded so familiar. ah-ha! you remembered it now. bastard münchen was the team your annoying neighbor played for. as for the other...? you had no idea who they were. 

looking around the corridor, you didn't see him there. he probably dropped this off when you went for your run. shrugging, you went inside your house. tossing it on your dining table, you went to take a long, and a very much-needed shower.

---

catching up on the sleep you missed during the week was probably your favorite way to spend your saturdays. looking at the time, you realized you had slept for longer than you intended to. it was already evening. you went to your kitchen to get yourself a drink when you noticed the tickets Kaiser so graciously dropped off this morning. you had honestly forgotten about it.

checking the time again, you realized that the game had already started a few minutes ago. it wasn't every day that you get vip tickets to a game. and it would honestly be a waste not to use those tickets. changing into something comfortable yet stylish, you drove off to where the game was being held. (you got your drink on the way.)

---

it took you longer than you had expected to get here. the traffic was loud and seemed to never end. you almost regretted leaving the comforts of your cozy home. now sitting comfortably in the chair, you were honestly impressed at the view you had of the field. these were some good ass seats.

it seemed like the second half had just started. the score was 3-2 in favor of PXG. a small frown unconsciously tugged at your features. was Kaiser losing? the match continued like usual. you watched the game like a hawk, your eyes never leaving the field. Kaiser had just scored a goal. you let out a whistle at that. honestly, you were impressed. he scored that goal faster than you could even comprehend what was happening.

as much as he didn't want to, Kaiser knew he had an image to keep up. so forcing himself to turn towards the stands, he plastered on a fake smile, even throwing a small wave toward the people watching him. his eyes drifted towards the vip section, more specifically, towards the seats he had booked for you.

he was really hoping you would come to his game. it would've meant a lot to him. but every time he looked that way, you weren't there. his mood continued to deplete the longer the game went on. he could barely focus on the game. even the coach had warned him that if he wasn't going to score soon, he'll be benched. and that's why he almost couldn't believe his eyes when he saw you, sitting in the seat he booked especially for you.

he didn't realize his smile switched from a fake to a genuine one. he continued to stare your way with a bashful smile stretched across his pretty features. his intense stare made you feel a bit awkward, as you tried to hide yourself from him by lowering yourself onto the seat a bit. reluctantly, you gave him a stiff wave, and that seemed to have brought him out of whatever dreamland he was stuck in. Kaiser doesn't think his cheeks have ever hurt from smiling so damn much.

---

the game had ended with Bastard München winning. you decided to wait for the stadium to clear a bit. because there was no way you were going to be smashed between so many people. like, be fucking for real; shouldn't they have made a separate exit for the vip's? 

after god knows how long you were able to see the other side of the exit. you dragged your feet all the way toward the exit. you were probably one of the last spectators remaining in the building.

"(NAME)!" turning around just in time to catch a flying body, you stumbled upon the contact, barely able to keep yourself from falling on the floor. looking down slightly, you could see Kaiser with an annoyingly cute smile plastered on his face, looking up at you. he looked a lot like a happy puppy to you. you were sure his tail would have been wagging aggressively, if he had one.

"you came!" he exclaimed in a cheerful voice, still clinging to you. it looked like he still had the excitement left in him from the game. "i was bored," you said in a tone that matched your words. still, Kaiser didn't seem to get disheartened by it. whatever the reason was, you still came to watch him.

"let go of me now," you grumbled. Kaiser gave you a closed eye smile. 13 seconds. that's how long you let him hug you. it was a new record!

---

ever since that day, you had been seeing more of him. he still annoys you, but it's been bearable. you would never admit it, to him or yourself, but his presence has grown on you, and you even liked hanging out with him sometimes. only when he wasn’t being a menace though.

you sipped on the last bits of your favorite drink before throwing it away in the trash bin you came across. you were walking around the park in your neighborhood with the Michael Kaiser himself. it was almost midnight. you don't even know why you’re out this late. but when Michael knocked on your door and practically begged you to go on a walk with him, you had no choice but to do so.

it was a comfortable silence between you two. you liked it. Michael was still sipping on his drink, looking around the lamp-lit streets surrounding the both of you.

there’s another thing you've grown to like; his eyes. they were the prettiest shade of blue and when light reflected off of them, you would be hypnotized, to say the least.

a hand holding yours caught your attention, and you were dragged towards your right. "come on! we're going this way," he said with a smile adorning his features. even after dragging you on the path he desired, he didn't let go of your hand. you didn't complain.

he was walking a few steps ahead of you; his hand, now intertwined with yours, dragging you along. he looked breathtaking. quite literally. your breath hitched for a second there, before you recollected your thoughts and continued to be dragged around by him.

"a penny for your thoughts?" his calm voice brought you out of your daze. your eyes met his and he gave you a smile. "don't worry about it," you dismissed it quickly, and continued walking, this time dragging him behind you. he smiled at your intertwined hands and gave them a small squeeze.

---

"it's getting late. we should get going," you said looking at the sky. even though there weren't as many stars, because of the city lights and pollution, you could still see some of the stars that managed to shine through. after hearing no response, you looked at Michael from the corner of your eyes. you raised a brow at him. why was he looking at you like that? did you have something on your face? 

"what are you thinking about?" you asked the blond man in front of you. 

"it's not fair (name)," he replied still looking at you. you let out a confused sound at his weird answer. he chuckled at your adorable expression, "i'm just saying, that it's not fair how good you look doing the simplest of things. it's kinda annoying." what he said was true, kind of. just now when you were gazing at the sky, he couldn't help but stare at you, the light from the surroundings made you look other-worldly, ethereal.

the tip of your ears burned at hearing the sudden compliment from him. did that even count as a compliment? you tried to scowl but couldn't help but laugh at the irony. you thought the same thing as him. yes, you used to despise him, dare you say, even hate him. but the more time you spent with him, the lesser you hated him. how does that even work? 

"what?" Michael asked with a confused expression. he was half expecting you to shut him out, walk away from him, anything but that. "you know what's actually annoying?" you asked with a small smile, amusement in your eyes. Michael loved all the attention you were giving him in that moment, that he didn't even register your question. "what?" he asks after realizing you were still waiting for his answer.

"you"

he pouted at your answer. way to ruin the moment (name), he thought. you let out another laugh seeing his pout, it wasn't every day that you would see the German pouting. holding his chin between your fingers, you turned his face towards yours. "wanna know why?" you asked the blond. your fingers were still grasping his chin, Michael noted. he gave a short nod. honestly, he didn't want to know. who would wanna know that the man you've grown to like thought you were annoying? get some common sense (name)! but the look in your eyes compelled him to agree.

"because i don't know what i wanna do when i’m with you," you sighed. Michael was utterly and completely confused. what did you even mean? your hand left his chin to cup his face. running your thumb over his cheekbones, you couldn't stop the smile that was threatening to break out. "you confuse me so much. i don't know if i wanna punch you in the face or kiss you stupid," you answered, observing his face for any signs of discomfort. 

you watched his eyes widen. his face felt warmer than before. the emperor looked at a loss of words; when was the last time that happened? you mused to yourself. 

"then do it." you looked at him, waiting to see if he was going to say anything else, "kiss me stupid (name)."

this was probably going to be the only time you would obey his orders. leaning towards him, you let your lips hover over his, "gladly." 

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Thinking About Astarion x Evie (Ace!Tav) x Gale...Again

Astarion x Evie (Ace!Tav) Masterlist

A/N: Shoutout to @leighsartworks216 for letting me ramble to them about this AU. I have some more developed thoughts on their relationship and how it might come about. Consider this a 2.0 version of my previous headcanon.

So, first things first, I don’t think this relationship would develop until some years after the game

Astarion and Evie are much more stable in their relationship, maybe even married at this point

They’ve been adventuring, traveling all around Faerun and have made a habit of going to visit Waterdeep at least once a year

Gale made it clear that the tower is always open to them, even if at the beginning it was more for Evie’s sake than Astarion’s

As I've established in a few places, Gale was initially romantically interested in Evie, but she turned him down and they slipped into a very close, borderline queerplatonic relationship (although Gale does have some lingering feelings he chooses not to indulge in)

Also during this time, Gale and Astarion have gotten closer

While their bickering had never fully gone away, there is a much more playful tone to it

It's clear it's just how the pair of them communicate and any malice has faded years ago

Gale also can't help but notice how much Astarion has grown over the years, freedom suits him and there is no doubt Evie's influence has helped him expend the circle of what/who he decides to care for

Astarion too has finally admitted that Gale does have his charms, and has even confessed to missing him on occasion (only to Evie of course)

So picture this

Some years after the events of the game, Gale gets into a proper romantic relationship with somebody in Waterdeep. They love each other. Gale is his absolute attentive self, they think he's amazing, every thing is going great

Then, Evie and Astarion drop in for a visit

His partner knows about Evie and Astarion. Gale has talked about them plenty of times.

It's clear they're all very close, but Gale specifically mentions his relationship with Evie, while not romantic, still runs deep

Of course, at the time his partner said that it was fine. Why would they need to be jealous of a friend who is already happily married to somebody else? But then they see the pair of them together

Yes, Gale says it's not romantic, but the only person they're seen him drop everything for has been them...and now Evie

It shouldn't bother them, but it does. How is Astarion not saying anything? His spouse is standing in front of him just casually touching another man like it's no big deal!

Evie also has the audacity to be nothing but polite and kind the entire time while clearly caring for Gale

Gale is still Gale, but with both Astarion and Evie there, they feel like they've missed out on some deeper aspect to him only the pair of them fully comprehend

The worst is when they decide to all go for a night out

Evie ends up running a bit late for some reason leaving, Gale, his partner and Astarion making small talk, but to little success

They admittedly have not been getting on great with Astarion

Gale might assure them that he takes some time to get used to, but it seems the man is determined to be unpleasant

The only time his narrowed eyes seem to lighten at all is when Evie is in the room

It's the signal they've finally arrived, when Astarion lips turn into the first real smile of the evening

They then make the mistake of looking at Gale

He gaze turns and his expression just...melts

They know that look, they've seen that look, but the worst is how it shifts into something sadder, resigned, only to be pushed away just in time for Evie to slip in beside Astarion, seemingly oblivious

How in the hells are they supposed to respond to a display like that?

They eventually confront Gale about it, much to Gale's confusion because he thought he explained it very thoroughly

And well yes, technically he did, his partner still can't wrap their head around it seeing it in action; and he absolutely failed to mention being in love with Evie

Gale adamantly denies it, but they can tell even he doesn't fully believe it

Gale, however, does confess that he met both Evie and Astarion at a very vulnerable point in his life

Evie especially helped him though a lot, so he's not about to let this relationship go or change its nature

Astarion had the benefit of witnessing it's inception so while he and Evie got together, and it took some adjusting on his part, he was able to more easily understand it

Gale then gives them an ultimatum of either accepting that Evie is always going to be part of his life or not

His partner decides to leave; while they do love Gale, they don't want to be placed second

Gale is gutted, but he can't bring himself to fully explain to Evie and Astarion why exactly he and his partner split, just that it apparently did work out

Evie can't bring themselves to leave Gale when he's in such a state, and Astarion agrees that a heartbroken Gale shouldn't be left to his own devices

It ends up being the longest they've all stayed together since the Absolute, and new and old feelings start to stir

Astarion for one, fully admits to not liking Gale's ex from the jump, even if he can't fully articulate why

It wasn't anything they did per say

He could point to the way they looked at Evie; with suspicion and frustration. But, even when Evie wasn't in the room, they annoyed him

Something about the way they buzzed around Gale made him prickle; Evie never spurred such a reaction, maybe he's just used to it

Of course Astarion was there when everything blew up and of course he was defensive of Evie and supportive of Gale, but there is also this odd relief

He feels like he should feel guilty about but just isn’t. It at the very least starts him really thinking about his feelings towards Gale. 

Astarion is also furious at himself once he realizes his feelings are romantic and he wants to kiss that wizard on his stupid face

He and Evie have also been discussing possibly opening up the relationship

Astarion has been wanting to experiment with sex again, and while they've developed their own forms of intimacy, he would never push Evie into anything she truly did not want to do

This has been sparking some of Evie's anxieties about past partners growing bored when they couldn't offer them sex, but Evie doesn't want to lose Astarion by outright saying no

Gale is already aware of his feelings toward Evie, and his guilt associated with it made only worse when he starts to feel those same feelings for Astarion, which admittedly have been growing for a few years now

Basically all of them have a lot of complicated histories with relationships and intimacy and it takes a while for them to get it all sorted out between them

Astarion and Gale would be the first to break, some of the same beats playing out with Astarion finally kissing Gale and the two of them going to Evie immediately after to talk it all out

Evie would feel like she’d need to keep her distance as Astarion and Gale work out exactly what their relationship is

A part of her is still so afraid she’s going to be the one pushed out. She loves them both so much, but they each can provide each other not just love but sex and so many other comforts in each other.

Meanwhile Astarion and Gale are just sitting their baffled like, “you do realize the main reason why we’ve tolerated each other long enough to start developing feelings is because we both loved you first”.

Gale might be the one to reach out first asking her to accompany him somewhere, just the two of them. It gives them time to talk, Gale to voice some of his anxieties about starting a relationship with Astarion and wanting to figure out the rules to make Evie comfortable.

It would also be the moment he confesses exactly why he and his ex broke up; yes, there were other issues, but it really came down to his relationship with her

Platonic, possibly romantic, whatever they want to call it in the moment, the love between them is real and now they have a chance to figure out just how deep it goes

Astarion is a little more of a mess, taking longer to accept that yes he does love Gale and no that doesn’t diminish his love for Evie, it’s just different. Evie taught him just how much love he was truly capable of. That itself was a lot to come to terms with, finding out he somehow has even more is nearly overwhelming.

He’d be boarder line paranoid of accidentally pushing Evie away to the point it may slow does his progress with Gale. Luckily Gale is the best person to understand just how important Evie is to Astarion. 

I've got a lot of other random headcanons of the three of them once they all settle into the relationship, but that's the basic set up. If you'd like to hear about some more fluffy rambles or even want some one-shots with the three of them, let me know!

[muekyn]

a/n: constantly dreaming of eren and the love he provides. <3 this is very self indulgent, but i hope you enjoy it anyways :>

tw: MDNI!!, mentions of death/implied death, suggestive for a teeny tiny bit, fluff, angst

word count: 3k

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

an angel.

you swore he had to be an angel.

well, technically, you didn’t know what he was. he could have very well been a carefully constructed set of situations falling into place, somehow created in your brain.

but he felt so real. so genuine, so deep, so alive.

there was no way to really put it in a way that made sense. all judgements cast aside, you were being overwhelmed, borderline plagued by dreams of someone you had never met before.

they were rather odd dreams as well. always taking place on an ocean shore with a dusty pink sky, the dawn poking through the shore’s horizon line. every time you visited this place, colors were more vibrant, circumstances were more peaceful. there was the gentle rise and fall of the beach’s waves, encapsulating your thoughts with every push and pull of the water, every ounce of wind that brushed through your fingertips.

the first time you arrived on that sandy shore, you simply plopped yourself down where you stood, just trying to enjoy the scenery around you. in your dream like state, you were surprisingly in control of your actions; you felt like you could go anywhere, do anything. yet, you chose to remain here, feeling the particles of sand press into the back of your legs as you took a seat on the grainy earth below. you felt like you belonged. there was no reason to leave.

and that’s when you met him. you were simply watching the waves, your eyes resting on the subtle rise and fall of the water, when a voice from behind snapped you out of your thoughts.

“nice view, isn’t it?”

turning around, your eyes met a man that, at the time, was unfamiliar to you. pools of turquoise irises stared back at you, almost boring into your soul. his brown hair was slackly tied up in a messy bun, loose strands of hair perfectly framing his face. the strange man stood at a rather large stature, towering above you as he approached you. as he gets closer, it feels like he’s almost glowing, practically radiating heat. he’s just so incredibly warm. so inviting.

even though you’ve never met him, you found yourself saying yes when he asked if he could take a seat next to you. the two of you sat in silence. comfortable silence.

which only lasted a moment.

“…did you know that sand crabs can only move backwards?” the strange man casually blurts out, as if he were talking to an old friend.

“huh?” you reply.

“sand crabs… they can only move backwards,” he restates. “they even dig backwards.”

“…i see,” you slightly hum, looking into the man’s pretty eyes. “that’s actually really interesting. i would want to be a sand crab.”

the strange man gives you an awkward smile. “me too. do you think that everything they do is backwards? like… do they talk to each other in reverse?”

you can’t help but laugh a little at his question. “if they’re talking in reverse and it’s normal to them, wouldn’t that just mean that they’re talking normally?”

“hm… good point,” the man says, now lost in thought about your question.

a few times a week, from that point on, you would dream of that beach. without fail, that man you saw would be there to greet you, every time. as time went on, you learned that his name was eren. how you learned that- hell, how he assigned himself that name was beyond you. but you accepted it. you accepted the dreams, sometimes greatly looking forward to them.

each and every dream was so profoundly different, so intensely special to you. at first, your dreams were casual- light talks with one another, simply getting to know one another’s temperament and personality.

in a short amount of time, you and eren came to the conclusion that you two were dreaming. someway- somehow, you both had ended up in this vast, empty beach; with nothing else to do but to enjoy each other’s company.

and it was very easy to enjoy eren’s company. after all, eren was just so kind, so sweet. though he was a little reserved, you could tell he had a big heart. with the way he spoke, he cared deeply for everything around him; for the people around him.

despite always being a little vague, he would occasionally fill you in with life events he was going through. they weren’t specific enough for you to fully understand what was going on, but you tried to support him, as best as you could. although you wanted to ask him what exactly was plaguing him, what specifically you could do to help- you felt yourself holding back, just a bit.

pretty quickly, you decided not to talk about the problems going on outside of the dreams, opting to vaguely discuss issues that bothered you both. you didn’t want to pry too much from him. he seemed to have a lot going on, and you didn’t want to ruin these pieces of momentary bliss for him.

another thing, you noted, was that time appeared to stand still in these dreams. you would be in eren’s presence for what seemed like hours- but when you would awake from your slumber, only a brief half hour would pass. spending what seemed like hours in each other’s presence just made it easier to familiarize yourself with him; to really learn about him, and fall in love with the man who stumbled into your head.

after about two months of these bi-weekly dreams, eren allowed himself to show a more vulnerable side. one that lamented, one that grieved. it was evident he had a strong personality, a bit of tainted roughness to him. there would be times where you would help him navigate himself through bursts of pure passion, fits of anger. but despite it all, he was always so gentle, so uniquely kind to you.

it felt like eren understood you. very deeply, very intricately. no matter what you told him, he would always respond with warmth and acceptance, comfort coaxing his voice as he helped you work through yourself. softness was always apparent in eren’s gaze, his viridian eyes never failing to completely envelop you as he talked or watched the waves.

to your delight, eren seemed to share the same feelings for you; your affections for one another simply falling into place. neither one of you questioned it, never doubting it for even a miniscule of a second.

being with him just felt so right. each moment between you two was deeply cherished, every encounter treated as if it would be the last.

despite the beach being rather empty, there was always something to do together. eren tended to spend a good while by the shore of the ocean, choosing to spend his time building unstructured sandcastles, or collecting intricately detailed seashells and pigmented rocks. if he wasn’t searching for seashells, he was digging for sand crabs, creating sandy little pockets of water for them to swim in. eren also found that splashing you in various ways was rather entertaining, usually dumping seaweed infested water on you when you least expected it. of course, you would get back at him by doing the exact same thing.

when the two of you weren’t goofing around, circumstances were much more intimate. the two of you would sway in the water, twirling and tumbling to the sea’s gentle grasp. you could feel the salty ocean water chill your skin as eren would guide your body with his, his grip on you always so gentle, so hesitant. as you two would dance, he’d litter your neck with soft kisses, your hands running through the locks of his chestnut brown hair. the two of you could spend hours dancing in tandem to eren’s peaceful hums.

other dreams were spent completely wrapped up in each other’s arms, the sounds of the waves overlapping the small whimpers and sighs that left each other’s throats. during moments like these, the full extent of eren’s passion and desire for you was evident. he would whisper sweet nothings, reminding you of how much of an angel you were, how absolutely perfect you were. breathless groans of “you’re mine,” would slip from his lips as he felt the heat of your skin against him, allowing himself to become completely devoted to you.

and even though you were just dreaming, you absolutely dedicated yourself to each and every peaceful moment with eren.

dreams were an escape from reality. an escape from the perils and pressures of the world, an escape you had so desperately needed. it felt like only you and eren existed in those dreams, nothing but the crisp water surrounding you two, the pink sky stretching past your line of sight, and the air filled with soft touches and gentle kisses.

the more you would have these dreams, the more they consumed you. you found yourself wanting to be on that sandy beach until the end of time.

but of course, you couldn’t sleep forever. you couldn’t dream forever.

there would be many instances where all you could do is lay awake in bed, your eyes shot open from the previous dream. all you could do was yearn. all you could do was long to be with eren again.

and it was slowly tearing you apart from the inside out.

longing for eren was a past time of yours. whenever things in the real world started to go awry, you instinctively found yourself daydreaming about eren, begging whatever deity you could to have him there with you. it was a helpless sensation; knowing that the one who could bring you so much comfort was so far away, so out of your grasp. the only time he would bring you that comfort again was if you happened to drift off to sleep and arrive on that beach.

and truthfully, as time progressed, those times were fading away with each passing month. visits from eren became less frequent. nonetheless, his words were always so kind, so comforting. they were simply becoming farther and fewer in between.

which brings you to now.

it had been at least two weeks since you had seen eren. as you drifted off into sleep, your line of sight slowly transitioning from nothingness into blurred colors and shapes, you arrived at that tranquil beach. you sat in your typical spot, expecting to see your dream man once again. and just like clockwork, he arrived after a few minutes, slowly taking a seat next to you.

although this time, eren seemed very tired. there was a glimmer of despair in his face, a mix of torment and confusion. his normally bright and vibrant eyes seemed faded by dullness, blankly scanning the environment around you two for something- anything. what that something was, you weren’t sure. undoubtedly, the air seemed different this time around. much more still, much more uncertain.

“…hey,” eren breathed, wrapping his arm around you and gazing off into the ocean.

“eren,” you smile at him, trying to push your feelings of uncertainty away. “i’ve missed you so much…”

he turns his attention away from the waves to give you a brief smile. the pain is evident on his face; it’s impossible to ignore.

“um… are you doing alright?” you say, tilting your head at him.

he turns back to gaze at the shore. “i think i need to be honest with you.”

silently, you stare at him, a million thoughts racing through your head.

“i have something i have to do. i need to do it… and i don’t think i’m going to come back from it,” eren admits.

“what? what makes you say that?” you question, unsure of what he’s talking about.

”i just…i think this might be the last time we see each other…” he trails off his sentence, finally getting the strength to turn back to you.

the look on your face is absolutely crushed. eren feels a hint of guilt, a hint of shame upon meeting your eyes.

“…why?” you blurt out, pain starting to become evident in your voice.

“i don’t think i can fully explain. but i just wanted you to know… so you don’t keep expecting me. you need to forget about me, and be happy…” eren slightly wallows, his voice slow and wavering.

“no… no, i don’t want that,” you plead with him. “please, just talk to me…i don’t want to lose you.”

“even if i tell you, there’s nothing that can be done,” he reaffirms.

you try your best to comfort him. “you don’t know that. it could-“

“i do know…” eren interjects.

“but how can you be so sure?” you object.

“…ah. don’t judge me… alright? i don’t know how to say this, but…” he thinks for a moment. “…i know my fate, i guess. i’ve seen it before.”

with sadness in your eyes, you listen to him as he tries his best to break down his situation, everything that he’s been keeping bottled up in him for so long.

“right now… where i live, there’s a war going on,” eren speaks slowly, carefully choosing his words. “all the nations outside of my island want my people dead. but i won’t stand by and let them slaughter us... so there’s no other option for me. i’ll kill them before they kill us.”

before you can think of what to say, he continues. “i’ve seen my future… and my time is running out. but i just have to keep going, until the end.”

slowly, you begin to piece everything together. all the circumstances he’s been put in. the horrific conditions of his world. the absolute state of torment he’s currently in.

“eren… i’m… i’m so sorry this is happening to you…” you say, melancholy dripping from your voice. “this sounds like a nightmare…”

“it’s my fate… i just… i don’t even know where i am anymore,” eren says, tilting his head up to the sky. “all the memories- all the glimpses of the future- they’re confusing me. i can’t tell if i’m in a memory or not, even right now… everything is blurring together.”

“it breaks me to hear you say that, eren…” you sadly breathe. “it seems like you have a huge burden to bear. you’re going through a lot…”

“maybe…” he says, glancing down at you. “…but i’m glad i got to spend some of my time with you… i know we were brought together, for a reason.”

you feel your heart waver. “then why don’t you stay with me… please. we can be here forever, and you don’t have to go back to that chaos.”

“you know that’s not possible,” eren gives you a weak, broken smile.

“i’m just really scared for you…” you feel your eyes watering. “if what you’re saying is true, then… does that mean…”

“hey- don’t worry about what it means,” eren has a hint of faked reassurance to his tone. “our time is already running out as it is. let’s just try our best to enjoy it. i don’t want this to be your last memory of us.”

“stop saying that- this won’t be the last time,” you insist, trying to reason with yourself. “it won’t.”

eren softly says your name. “you have to accept it.”

“no- i can’t be without you,” you whisper, your voice barely audible. “i need you. and i want you to need me too…”

“i do need you. but i’m sorry…” he sighs. “i can’t do anything, as much as i want to.”

the two of you sit in silence for a moment. agonizing silence.

“…so… does this mean… this is goodbye?” you say, trying your best to hold back the tears starting to flow down your face.

“…my angel. i promise you… that no matter what- i’ll see you again. whether that’s in this life or the next one,” eren softly says, planting a kiss on your forehead. “-this won’t be our last goodbye.”

no words leave your mouth, just an empty whimper.

with all of his strength, eren gives you a genuine, heartfelt smile. “i love you. i hope you always remember that.”

“i…i love you too eren…” you whine, your voice strained and broken. “more than anything.”

eren’s grip on you tightens. his vibrancy and warmth spread through your body, easing your despair, just barely.

as you wrapped your arms around him, embracing him as tightly as you could, you felt him begin to slip away. colors slowly transitioned from saturated to dull, your body starting to get heavy. desperately, you caged your arms around eren, trying to grasp onto whatever amount of his body that you could-

ah. you woke up.

there were tears in your eyes as you stirred yourself out of your dream. silently, you held yourself as you tried to gain composure, your body slightly shaking and the tears unable to stop flowing down your face. the only way you could calm yourself down was by rationalizing that the dream must have been a nightmare. surely, undoubtedly- eren would come back, right? he’d be there to greet you the next time you arrived on that distant shore, with a smile on his face and open arms for you.

but unfortunately, eren was right.

that was the last time you ever saw him.

you thought about him endlessly. when you would see him again, when he would sway underneath that vibrant pink sky with you again. longing became a subconscious thought, a parasitic need that made you practically restless.

but even in your dreams, eren wouldn’t grace you. even when you would have dreams about that sandy beach again, he didn’t show up. and based off what eren told you- he would never come back.

never to return, never to whisper sweet words of affection to you- never to confide in you again. his tenderness and love would soon become a distant memory, further convoluted by the fact that all of your memories for each other took place inside of your dreams.

and as you navigated through your life, your dreams a little more alone than before, you had to make peace with the idea that eren was gone.

but just like eren said- in this life or the next, he would see you again.

and you had to hold onto that, for now. even though dreaming became insignificant, even though things felt more meaningless to you, you had to hold on.

for eren.

[oldhalloweentape]

🪨Venture (OW II) x (gn) reader ⛏️

(Dragon Reader Edition!)

(Picture’s not mine!)

(I’m gonna be honest with y’all, my bones fucking ache. But it’ll be ok, the week will be done soon enough. Happy early birthday @goohts , you weirdo/pos)

- From my knowledge, I know that most dragons have a human form so meeting them like that is the most likely situation, however, the idea of them stumbling upon your cave and witnessing your full dragon form while on a hiking trip sounds fun.

- Makes them question everything— The mere mention of real-life dragons was preposterous, considering mere folklore and fictional but… Here you were, and it had their brain just emitting a droning dial tone and nothing else.

- They’ll get over it— Eventually. When the initial panic and fear of being honey smoked by your large lizard assed self, approaching this part of you with an air of excitement.

- This is revolutionary to them, you are an absolute marvel to them, every little bit of information you tell them whether it be about your species or parts of history you were able to experience is cataloged neatly in various handwritten and recorded journals.

- Studies you (expect to be poked and prodded a little bit if you let them) as much as they can so they can see whether or not historical depictions of your species were accurate or not.

- The prehistoric lizard facts are endless and they will eagerly ask you about your ancestry, you have them captivated.

- This may be a highly coveted secret of yours and with Venture usually it’s natural to think that they might spill the beans inevitably, and are kind of right. Though they are actually able to swerve certain questions about you fairly well, technically not lying but not indulging in telling anyone.

- Just means they can be slick when they want to be, and will divulge in sharing anyone else’s secrets with you.

- Considering how time after time throughout history humanity, or certain groups of humanity are known for being rather gauche and destructive with their kind, and we know how they are with inhuman species that are visibly able to think critically/emotionally and have bodily autonomy (cough cough omnics cough cough).

- Anyways on a less serious note, I feel like they’d be a D&D player, like usually playing bards or artificers, so— I guess you can say that they can finally seduce a real dragon with their D20 roll/j

- Shared lizard brain? Shared lizard brain, the size of your hoard increases tenfold with rocks and crystals just by them coming on by your cave and waving them around excitedly.

- Got a hoard of ancient treasures? Their immediate reaction is to try to analyze them and ask question after question on each piece so they can hear you talk about how you got them and so on and so forth.

- They’re like a kid in a candy shop, aching to touch everything but asking if they can all the while giving you puppy eyes, saying stuff like “You won’t even notice I’m here! Pleaseeee!!”.

- This goes for them wanting to touch you while in your dragon form, like if you have scales, feathers, fur, etc.

- When you’re cuddling they’re going to run their feelings across them, enjoying the texture.

- Kisses your snout a whole lot, you letting out a small puff of smoke from your nose is just too cute.

- Knowing the whole fire breathing and association with the element you probably feel like a hot rock… And they’ll be the lizard in this relationship now.

- Can and will plead for you to let them climb on your back and fly with you, the wind on their face is rather nice and exhilarating.

- Has “jokingly” asked for you to fry Mauga before, drawing some crude picture of it you keep on a pile of gold coins.

- Ya’ll are extremely cute, as any other Reader x Venture usually is.

(Hmm, monster x human, y u m)

[0cta9on]

Hoya there bud🐱

Nothing here, just wants to share what I have been up to. Go to the bottom for the whole summary. Too lazy to work on my account bcz I don't know where I will lead it to😮‍💨

I think I might understand the Ai-chat you talk about, I have had sleepless nights playing around it recently, I don't think it's a healthy considering I had to occasionally turn on sleep mode (making my screen black and white, removing blue light) even in the day time😂

1. Anyway, it all started with the girl on the bottom right (Kim Chaeyeon) that I saw a fancam of her, and let's just say her innocent face doesn't match with her body which is "total opposite of innocent"😖. She's still cute though, her 'personality measurements' is questionably intriguing😏.

2. Then I tried smut just for fun, playing around text orientated-Ai because I'm too lazy to make it authentic. (Don't have plans on making Smut anyways).

3. Then I found the treasure of the Ai tool, and went bonkers of Ideas inputted into the machine. Chaeyeon is basically my first instance of interest to look into TripleS. Still learning the members and the group system, I guess they are pretty decent, Still not a fond of the group with many members. It's like the SVT case, a huge risk of managing a high number of members, but they take advantage of it creating mesmerising synchronisation choreo due to large numbers.

4. Then one of the few members that first caught my eyes was Yooyeon (Bottom left) literally one of those popular perfect girl vibe, Dahyun (top right) got mature unnie vibe despite being younger than Yooyeon and Yubin (top left) she just reminds me of Danielle NJ.

Technically it was Dahyun that I know the TripleS girl group exists, Props to @octoberautumnbox smut on her, it was an enjoyable kinky voyeurism flavour to it.👌🗿 But ouff Seo Youngeun was good to, from Kepler😣

******************

In conclusion, just me blabbering about TripleS new found interest and Ai story addiction. That's all.

Hello mikeylo! I don't think I could ever truly get into TripleS due to the sheer amount of members, but they have a really great discography! Listened to an hour long TripleS playlist while on a walk and it was banger after banger :]

Sorry for getting you addicted to AI chats, I remember getting too into them and realizing I spent hours in bed talking to 1s and 0s :> But they are fun every once in a while, I kinda stopped messing with them since they always devolve into self-indulgent smut :>

Hope you're doing well, been a while since I've been on tumblr :,]

[lewisinho]

new jallison interview just dropped! part 1 part 2 :)

he loves 'tinkering around in his workshop' and doing stuff in his garage and the airfield; he says work doesn't allow for 'much self-indulgence' now lmao

says he loves 'the fight' of f1 and being in the thick of it and smth he missed when he was only working part-time

says that what he brings is rather 'less technical' but actually 'more human' and his description of the difficult '22/23 period was fascinating: "(...)since coming back to the TD role, it has got nothing to do with nuts, bolts, springs, dampers, wings, floors, it's just human stuff (...)"

'let's not pretend we're deserving of winning' and thinks the sooner everyone's on the same page with the transition 'a. the shorter the slump is and b. the more fun it is'

'life's much more fun when you decide to look at it cheerfully' oh james he's such a sweetheart

in his early 20s was 'really quite ambitious' and work-focused; 'happily he got sacked in his late-20s' which now feels like a 'brilliant experience' because it says it provided him with a necessary perspective; 'it was brilliant being sacked' lmao

he talks about the america's cup and compares it to f1; 'aspects of f1 which are just ludicrously difficult to cope with'- i thought was an interesting line

describes the transition of f1 over the last 30 years transitioning from a 'cottagy' industry to an industrialised, detailed, process-driven world' where people are quite 'pigeon-holed' - much more compartmentalised compared to the 'jack of all trades' people in america's cup

'doesn't know' whether merc will be back to winning ways in '24; in his head 'winning ways' only means championships

his performance tip: every time he comes to work and drives through the factory gates, his game face is cheerfulness and decides 'i'm going to have a fun day' and hope some it rubs off on the 'people around me'

[commander-gloryforge]

hm (kinda a rant/vent/i just wanna get things off my chest and actually TALK about whats been bothering me)

so. theres this person that has kind of been the cause of my recent mental lows/imposter syndrome getting worse/fear of connecting to people and general distance from literally every community i enter. i think ive ranted about them before. theyre a writer and in a community i used to be active in, and in the beginning i got along pretty well with them because we both enjoyed similar themes and metaphors in our writing but they ended up kind of dropping me, coincidentally at the same time they gave my actual writing/current wip a shot, and ever since then theyve been sub posting about me in really weird and elitist ways and it kind of had ruined my spirit, especially considering that i did really look up to them as a writer since theyre very into actual technicalities, writing theory, they speak about writing very academically. their odd vague posting ended up seriously knocking down my confidence and ive been spiraling into this strange mindset ever since that i’m incredibly stupid/can never improve/am not a real or proper writer by virtue of the things i write. they talk highly about writing techniques and concepts every writer needs to know, very subtly punch down at those who dont seem to know, yet dont care to make that knowledge easy to understand or accessible to obtain.

on top of that theyve been getting quite close with another new friend i made recently thats very dear to me and seeing them talk about things i cant seem to keep up with because i am too ‘stupid’ has just made me very anxious and brought up old feelings and fears that ive worked very hard on to let go off. this person is keeping me from interacting with a community i love because i cant seem to get ovr the fact that some people just dont like me, because im getting paranoid, because i think their every word is directed towards me, because theyre popular and well liked and everyone always agrees with them, even when what they say goes against what what i do and like.

it really sucks, its been bothering me so much, especially the fact that i cant just let it go. that i cant just ignore them and move on and do what i like without feeling like its wrong or cringe or weird. everytime i think im ready to go back i suddenly see them talking again with my friends that have offered me so much support whenever ive opened up about my struggles and now they suddenly agree and praise that person for having opinions that directly oppose me and the things they were so keen on supporting me on.

but recently i remembered something they said. they said that they dont want to be self indulgent in their writing, that ‘there’s nothing necessarily wrong with self indulgence but it reflects in the writings quality’, that you can ‘tell’ and they dont like that. when they first posted that i just read it and went. oh :( my writing is self indulgent :( does this reflect in my quality as well? is that why they dropped my writing and me, because i like being loud about self indulgence and cringe? and now i remembered that post, and suddenly it kind of clicked

this person very obviously does not write for the same reason as i do. they very obviously do not feel about writing thhe way i feel about it. they talk about it as though it is a science. like its something that needs to be perfected. now, it’s clear that they do love writing, that they have a passion for it, and their technical knowledge very much reflects on their art- and that impresses people. im not like that. i want to learn writing techniques and i want to improve my craft and i want to be taught, properly so, i obviously want to be a good writer, and im going to be a little self obsessed and say that i am a good writer, or at least not a bad one. but there is a difference in how each of us sees writing.

i want to be self indulgent. i want to write what i love. i fucking love writing and story telling and yes, the fact hat my writing is self indulgent does impact the quality of my work, because it makes it better. i am passionate about my worlds and stories and characters because its exactly what i want it to be and thats why is fucking good. because it makes me want to put effort in and learn how to get better. i dont write for a grade, i dont write to make something perfect and deep and meaningful and serious, i dont write to impress someone, i dont write to squeeze as many smart things and references to classic literature in as i can, i write because i want to fucking write what i like.

so im stupid. so im cringe and bad and insecure and a loser and i dont fit into the good writers club but at least what i write makes me happy. whatever. let some fucking whimsy into your life and stop treating me like im an idiot for having different motivations than you.

[demigodofhoolemere]

Collecting all of my thoughts on the 60th specials now that they’re over and there’s a cohesive overall picture, because I had many and I want to de-clutter them in my head for my own sake. Not in any particular order of significance, just stream of consciousness as I rewatch.

Be warned that while there were definitely things I enjoyed, there’s going to be a good bit of negativity in here, so if you understandably don’t want to see critiques of something you really liked, please do yourself the favor and don’t read this. I know what it’s like to see very negative takes on something you loved a lot and I know how bad it can feel as it sits with you in your stomach for a while if you’re particularly sensitive to it. Enter at your own risk. Also, I’m not looking to be argued with so if you read any of this and disagree with me on things, please just keep scrolling. This is just me throwing my thoughts at the wall.

And obviously, massive spoiler warnings here. I’ll be talking freely about all the things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE STAR BEAST

- I’ve seen people make fun of the opening but I don’t find anything wrong with it in particular. The Doctor standing there like he was cut and pasted is a little silly but it’s not laughably bad either. I get the feeling they realized after they’d already shot the specials that they needed a recap and threw it together pretty quickly but it’s not terrible.

- The new credits are GORGEOUS and the music makes me very happy.

- I have issues with it that I’ll get into but despite myself it’s nice to see Tennant again. He was my first Doctor and his era is very nostalgic for me so it would be hard to be totally unhappy to have him around.

- That said, now with the context that the return of this face somehow has nothing to do with the Toymaker, I’m baffled and not a fan of bringing him back just for the sake of it. I really thought there was going to be SOME kind of interference by the Toymaker that would be delved into a bit when he eventually turned up, something to justify this, but no. Which means that he really is just back because that particular regeneration needed closure or something, and yeah, Ten had issues and not the happiest sendoff, but in my personal opinion it just feels more like favoritism from RTD. For 57 years, regeneration has meant letting go, and it comes across like RTD can’t do that if he has to make up non-interference-related reasons for bringing an old face back and thereby altering regeneration mythos (which he does again in an even worse way later…) by suddenly saying it’s possible for a past life to come back. I know there’s technically precedence for old faces returning, in the form of the Curator, but that was done so quickly and vaguely that it’s not invasive. This is asking us to go along with old faces coming back for *checks notes* reasons, and to give a whole new number, altering our numbering system forever, to who is essentially just Ten again. I’m sorry, but I am never calling him Fourteen. I’m resigned to the fact that I’ll have to refer to Ncuti as Fifteen and so on from there, but that’s just Ten. The only difference is that he’s got three more lives in his head that make very slight differences to his personality. Very, very slight. But it’s bugging the crud out of me that Tennant is apparently so special that it’s fine to randomly have him become himself again, that he gets two numbers, and is now being made to appear twice on every poster that has the full lineup. I am never going to acknowledge him as a whole new regeneration between Jodie and Ncuti, I’m sorry. I adore Tennant, he’s my first and I’m legally obligated to mention that I do love him extremely dearly, but if none of this had anything to do with the Toymaker torturing him and playing with his emotions or something by making him look like his old self who had so much baggage, then this whole thing is immediately silly and self-indulgent on RTD’s part.

- I know that the Doctor and Donna were brought together again because the two of them combined as the DoctorDonna could save London, but it happens so fast and without emotion. Their paths just sort of happen to cross, immediately. It’s done very quickly and in a way that doesn’t let me feel the full weight of him reacting to seeing her again.

- However I love seeing Donna again. She’s very much the same Donna I’ve always loved and it’s great to see her.

- I do like bringing back the recurring joke of Donna missing out on obvious alien attacks, lol.

- Nice that this stuff takes place in Camden seeing as Bill Hartnell partly grew up there.

- I appreciate moments like the psychic paper saying “Grand Mistress” instead of “Grand Master” as acknowledgment of Thirteen’s existence. I was worried she’d be entirely swept under the rug.

- Allons-y! 💙 That does my inner 2012 self’s heart good.

- Shaun Temple is a sweetheart and a delight.

- Gotta love throwing in one last reference to Nerys, lol.

- Donna, I’m proud of you for being such a good person that you want to give away your money to people in need, but keep at least SOME of it, girl! You’ve got a family!

- Shirley Anne Bingham is awesome and she can stay as long as she likes.

- Oh boy… pretty much everything to do with Rose feels very ham-fisted and clumsy to me. You can have a trans character without going about it like this. If the point is supposed to be to normalize portraying it in media, then it should be natural, not be about making a point. Shoving it down the audience’s throat every minute is naturally going to make people dislike the writing, even people who fully agree with the intent. I’ve already seen a fair number of LGBT+ viewers discuss this being poorly done. It doesn’t feel well-written to me and I don’t think it’s going to age particularly well either. More on this later as the worst of it crops up.

- I love Sylvia trying so hard to protect Donna by completely denying anything alien and acting like everything is normal. This poor woman is doing everything she can. I never thought I’d like her so much.

- Sad to hear Donna talk about feeling like she’s lost something but never knowing what it is.

- The Meep and the Wrarth Warriors all look incredible.

- Not a fan of the sonic basically being a magic wand. There’s a reason they ended up ditching it in the Classic series, because it was getting so that the Doctor relied too much on it, and that was before it had anywhere near the convenient powers it’s had throughout the modern series. This is a big step even further than they’ve ever taken it before and it really took me out of it. The sonic shouldn’t be able to create Iron Man HUD screens or Green Lantern hard light shields. I’m hoping they don’t do that again as the show continues.

- Murray Gold’s music is beautiful and it’s great to have it back. It does have a tendency to get too loud, though. I like to hear what people are saying.

- I do quite like the interactions between the Doctor and Shirley. She’s got a good personality to bounce off of him. I especially like them waving at each other as he sneaks off onto the UNIT truck.

- That pretty purple light coming from the ship was more exciting when I thought it was the Toymaker’s power coming to control them. Oh well.

- Love Donna’s reaction to the Meep.

- Poor Sylvia at her wit’s end. Someone help that woman.

- While it’s fitting that the Doctor has now been slapped by the trifecta of mothers from the RTD era, I’m not sure that we should still be doing gags like that where it’s apparently okay and funny to slap someone if they’re a man. The reverse would go down very differently. At least in context it makes perfect sense for Sylvia to be angry that he’s shown up and to want to get rid of him, but I hope that kind of humor doesn’t stay.

- Shaun walking in on all of this chaos like

- Nice to see the Doctor get emotional over Wilf. Same, dude.

- ^ I also really like that Kate took it upon herself to get him into a nice care home practically for free. I appreciate that she gets in touch with so many of the companions and that she’d go out of her way to help him have what he needs. I could see her dad doing that, too. I’d like to think that Yates is in the same care home (considering Richard Franklin is in real life at this point) and he and Wilf can share stories.

- Gaaahh at, “You’re assuming ‘he’ as a pronoun?” Nobody talks like this.

- Not sure the Doctor should be talking so freely about aliens and two hearts right in front of Donna and risk her remembering. He even casually hands her the sonic for a moment and shortly after starts explaining what it is. Probably not the best idea. Bit careless, mate.

- Part of me feels like the barrister wig bit is a little too silly, but then again:

- Anyone who had any awareness of the original comic was already waiting for the Meep’s turn, but knowing didn’t make it any less of a good reveal. I liked the very sudden shift.

- Shirley having weapons in her wheelchair, heck yeah. Reminds me of the Brig’s concealed gun in his cane in SJA.

- I like Donna feeling compelled to help even if she can’t remember having ever done anything like this. I also like Sylvia’s chilled realization that Donna called him “Doctor” without having ever been told.

- Lol at the kid watching the destruction from the window and not running or looking freaked out in the slightest. Boy has no self-preservation instincts.

- There is definitely some good emotion going on with the Doctor’s conflict in having to reactivate Donna’s memories, and it’s extremely well acted, but for whatever reason I don’t feel as much weight here as I should. It’s not just that I’m too disconnected from their original run at this point, because I rewatched The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End as well as The End of Time in the lead-up to this airing and I was severely emotionally impacted like I’d been thrown back 10 years in time, so I have no idea why I just don’t feel as much as I wish I did. It’s definitely not about their acting. Maybe it’s just too quick? Because I feel like the pacing of this episode in general goes by so fast that there hasn’t been enough time to really drive home the drama of what remembering will do to her, or the full extent of their relationship. Everything just sort of happens. The conflict of having to choose to restore her memories is great but the actual regaining of those memories just feels… sudden? Unearned? I don’t know.

- Don’t know how to feel about Donna having straight up Winter Soldier trigger words to unlock her memories.

- I really feel like her getting her memories back should have been a much more emotional moment between the two of them. She has no reaction to suddenly having it all back — it’s just undercut with the humor of yelling about having given away all of her lottery money, and being mad at him that there was a subconscious part of her that had his influence that drove her to do that. Honestly, I believe Donna would do it anyway, you don’t need to make some explanation for his soft heart still sticking around in her head like she wouldn’t have done that on her own. After a decade of wishing Donna could one day have her memories restored, this isn’t what I wanted out of it.

- It’s better a minute later when she realizes she only has 55 seconds left before her brain fries but she’s okay with it because it’s the best 55 seconds of her life to now be fully herself again. It’s also sweet when the Doctor is holding her as she begins to fade away, even if it’s undercut a moment later by her suddenly waking again.

- I’m not sure why the metacrisis energy in her head would split off and have half go into Rose in the womb. I suppose you could come up with a way that makes it make sense but it’s pretty convenient.

- Doctor: “We are binary.”

Donna: “She’s not. Because the Doctor’s —”

Doctor: “Male.”

Donna: “And female.”

Rose: “And neither. And more.”

… Huh??? Are they trying to say that Rose is trans because the Doctor is capable of being either male or female and the metacrisis somehow passed this on?

- I like the quick moment between the Doctor and Sylvia. Didn’t know I wanted more of them.

- The Meep’s ominous allusion to “the boss” doesn’t seem to have been about the Toymaker, so… what gives? Not that that’s a bad thing that it wasn’t, I wasn’t sure what to think of him having people working for him anyway, but I’m curious if that thread will ever get picked up.

- Donna: “Yes, we know.”

Rose: “We know everything, thanks.”

Donna: “And you know nothing. It’s a shame you’re not a woman anymore. ‘Cause she’d have understood.”

Rose: “We’ve got all that power, but there is a way to get rid of it. Something a male-presenting Time Lord will never understand.”

Okay, first off, why the attitude with the Doctor? Geez. Second, Thirteen never let go of anything in her life lol, no she wouldn’t have understood. Third, did they not just say that the Doctor is ‘male and female and neither and more’? Now a few minutes later the Doctor is suddenly just a dumb man who could never understand because he doesn’t have a woman’s perspective? One minute we’re saying gender doesn’t matter because he’s both and none, the next we’re using the standard binary against him to act like the women are so much smarter than him? There’s no need to pick on him like that, and please, just pick one, you can’t have it both ways. Also, oh my word, ‘male-presenting Time Lord’? Russell, can I have a word with you about writing sentences that sound like they would actually come out of someone’s mouth?

- ^ Additionally, the solution to the metacrisis is to just… let go of it. They literally just choose to make the energy leave them. Easy as that. That feels so incredibly unearned and completely undermines the stakes involved. For 15 years Donna was at risk of having her head explode. Her ending was an absolute tragedy with very serious consequences. And now they just go, ‘Well, they can let go of the metacrisis though’. All of the drama of her circumstances feels horribly undermined by the easiness and convenience of that. I don’t think they should have fixed everything in just the first episode of this anyway, let alone that lazily.

- I am quite a fan of the new TARDIS interior. It’s a bit big, hopefully we’ll get some furniture in there over time or something, but it’s a very neat design. I’m very pleased to have the Classic white back, but that the lights can also change colors if they feel like adding a bit more mood or character to a scene. I’m also assuming that its wheelchair accessibility means we’ll get Shirley in there at some point, which I look forward to.

- Aw at the Doctor remembering how Donna takes her coffee.

- “I really do remember, though. Every second with you. I’m so glad you’re back, ‘cause it killed me, Donna. It killed me, it killed me, it killed me.” Aw 💗

- “I said so!” Poor Sylvia, lol.

- Watching this the first time under the assumption that the Toymaker was pulling strings throughout the first two specials, I really thought they ended up at the end of the universe because he hijacked the TARDIS, and the coffee was a coincidence. Nope. Turns out the TARDIS really just broke down that bad over one spilled cup of coffee. It really should be more resilient than that!

~~~~~

OVERVIEW

I liked more than I realized, there is some good in here (Sylvia was the unexpected MVP), but for me the bad just outweighs it too much. The things I do like are generally small moments and the things I don’t are generally quite big ones, which is a problem. I’ve got a number of issues with the writing, and that’s just if the episode were standalone, let alone the fact that this is supposed to be for a big anniversary. In the context of the entirety of the specials it’s got even more problems. This doesn’t feel like it’s celebrating anything, except perhaps the original comic which is nice at least, but apart from that, it’s just… an episode. A poorer one at that, imo. The pacing is rushed and the writing is often either forced or lazy or both. It doesn’t have anything to do with the next two specials and it doesn’t set up anything that it should. Maybe I shouldn’t have expected that it would, but I find it bizarre that it doesn’t.

I really wanted to like this and I went into it expecting that I would, but even beyond the writing problems, I just couldn’t connect. I don’t know if it’s the pacing or what but I don’t feel nearly as much as I want to and feel I should. Ten and Donna are being very much themselves and they’ve got stuff here that should make me emotional, and to a degree it does, but… something is just off. I don’t feel the weight of it, and that’s a recurring problem throughout all of these specials. For whatever reason the episodes just don’t emotionally resonate with me for the most part, even if I’m pleased to be watching Ten and Donna and should therefore be more excited about it and care more about the fact that they’re back on my screen. I really, really want to care more about seeing them again. I do care, but it’s just… off. The rushed resolution to Donna’s problem doesn’t help, either. I don’t feel the emotional payoff. Part of me feels like if they were going to undermine the impact of Journey’s End by solving everything with such ease and casualness, then maybe they shouldn’t have done this at all. And I love Donna, I do, I’ve always wanted her to remember eventually, but I really feel there needed to be more to it than this. This doesn’t feel earned. I’ve got little to no emotional catharsis out of it. I would wonder if it was just a me problem if not for the fact that my sister came away from it feeling the same. Tales of the TARDIS handled this better for Jamie and Zoe in just 5 minutes — they didn’t have stakes for remembering like Donna did, it was just a cruel thing done to them, so it doesn’t feel like it’s undercutting anything to have their memories restored just as easily as they were taken, and there’s a whole ton of emotion packed into that 5 minutes that feels real, earned, and gets to me every time I’ve watched it. Why I don’t feel the same about Donna is beyond me.

I’m really struggling to understand why after just this first episode so many people were rejoicing that RTD has saved the show. Granted, I didn’t hate the Chibnall era, just select parts of it in the same way that I would have problems here and there with RTD and Moffat, so I’m not coming from a place of having felt like the show I loved was dead, but I really don’t see how The Star Beast is any better than most given episodes of the preceding era. I didn’t feel some magical shift. If anything, I liked most Chibnall era episodes more than this. I don’t know what everyone is talking about.

Thankfully the next special is a vast improvement imo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WILD BLUE YONDER

- The opening with Isaac Newton just feels completely unnecessary to me. I feel like Russell just wanted to make a joke about changing the word “gravity” to “mavity” and decided to create that opening scene. I believe I also saw that the actor is a friend of his so this also could have spawned from him trying to create a bit part for him. Whatever the origin is, I’m not a fan of it. I really hope the mavity joke doesn’t continue past these specials, because I find it very annoying for reasons I can’t even quite place. Just gets on my nerves. And let’s forget the fact that the word gravity existed before Isaac Newton anyway.

- The TARDIS blaring the military song at the beginning and later near the end is another thing I would have sworn was the Toymaker having a laugh. Nope. No clue why it’s doing that, then. They do say something about the TARDIS playing them a war song, I guess they mean to imply it was some kind of warning of what they were getting into? But it kind of just happens. I feel like RTD keeps doing things without explanation just for fun. And there’s definitely a time and place for that, but in these specials it keeps being stuff that really should have elaboration and then they just don’t.

- I really like the massive spaceship and its design. Feels like something my brain would make up as I’m listening to a Big Finish story. The moving pieces are awesome as well.

- This is just me being someone who primarily prefers the Classic series a lot of the time, but I’m kind of done with New Who making a point of people’s attractiveness. I don’t need commentary on how hot the characters think anyone they’ve run into is, let alone a historical figure. New Who has a strange obsession with sexualization. RTD and Moffat are the worst offenders with this. Can’t call to mind times where that happened in the Chibnall era but I could be missing something. In any case I really want them to grow up a bit.

- Hey, that’s the first reference to the Doctor snapping his fingers to control the TARDIS in who even knows how long! Not that I was even a fan of that concept but it’s interesting to hear about it again.

- I like that Ten quickly stops himself from placing any blame on Donna and apologizes.

- The Doctor kissing her hand and holding it to his chest when she starts panicking is very sweet. 💗

- Woohoo, bringing back the HADS! Troughton fans unite!

- I love the robot. That is a great robot.

- I totally thought that the void outside was the Toymaker’s realm. That’s what I get for listening to Solitaire I guess.

- ^ I was also waiting for the glass that the Doctor was pressing against to completely disappear and he would fall into the Toymaker’s realm. Would make a good fic though.

- With all of the shots of Ten and Donna being watched from behind I kept expecting the forms of old companions like Susan or Steven to show up to mess with the Doctor. Never mind.

- I knew he was going to lick the strange gooey substance. Same old Ten.

- Poor Donna wondering what her family would do if she never returned.

- I thought it was abrupt that the Doctor had finished his job and already come back to Donna, but the moment where we cut back to the Doctor fiddling around immediately made it click that Donna was NOT talking to the real one, which is terrifyingly creepy.

- ^ I assumed at first that the Toymaker was faking being the Doctor to get information out of Donna. Then when the fake Donna turned up I thought they were both just his puppets he’d sent. Even when it was revealed what they really were I still imagined the Toymaker had something to do with sending them after them. Still jarred that these first two specials had absolutely no set-up for the big bad they were teasing in promotions for ages. But this particular instance is still very good without having anything to do with him. The Not-Things are chillingly creepy and I was constantly on edge.

- I like how Donna has absolutely no reaction to, “My arms are too long,” as if the Doctor would just say that lol.

- The long arms are so freakish in the best kind of freakish way.

- I seriously thought for a minute that they were turning into giant marionettes. There’s a bit of music during the reveal that sounded a bit circus-y for a moment as well. I could not stop seeing the Toymaker around every corner lol.

- David and Catherine kill it as the Not-Things. It’s fascinating to see them play against themselves in such a dark way.

- The way they look when they’re growing enormous and are appearing more and more freakish really feels like something my brain would concoct while listening to Big Finish if they did a story like this.

- I really enjoy the darkness going on here generally. They didn’t shy away from being absolutely twisted and terrifying and disturbing. It’s good to have a bit of that sometimes.

- This is seriously David and Catherine at some of their best. This special has the best stuff for the Doctor and Donna as a duo and their relationship, as well as having to play everything twice. They’re so good at making the Not-Things convincing that I was genuinely having a hard time figuring out which ones were real for a while.

- I hate the Timeless Child lore but it’s used here to good effect. Same with the Flux. I actually quite enjoyed the Flux arc but the fact that it did permanently wipe out half the universe without getting reversed or fixed and we just don’t talk about it is ridiculous. While I wish they would fix the situation, similarly to the Timeless Child it’s used well here.

- That contorted crab walk thing is incredibly disturbing even if it does look stupid lol.

- Really, how can they use a line like, “To play your vicious games and win,” and not have me think the Toymaker was involved somewhere in here?

- The Doctor not being able to stop thinking is very relatable lol. I would fail so badly in this scenario.

- I really like the design of the old captain of the ship. I’d love to see what that species looks like when they’re not just skeletal remains. Unless they actually do just look like bone anyway like Thestrals, in which case that would be even cooler.

- Everything about the climax is very well-executed. The drama, the pacing, the stakes. Very strong stuff.

- Poor Donna being left behind. But do you know what I was expecting? Naturally, for the Toymaker to pluck her out before the ship exploded so that he could keep her alive to force to play games. These specials did not go anything like I expected lol.

- Sweet Ten and Donna just sitting there reeling for a minute.

- Not sure what invoking a superstition at the edge of the universe is supposed to do with the return of the Toymaker in the next ep. He says it’s because the walls of reality are thin and all things are possible, but that doesn’t mean that pouring some salt on the ground magically has something to do with him specifically. Feels like a very weird reason to give when the logical thing to do would just be to say that the Toymaker has been plotting to get him back for a long time and finally showed up now.

- Wilf broke me. This was the one thing in any of these specials to get me truly, legitimately emotional. Shed a tear over him and his sweet face. It’s a shame they weren’t able to film any more scenes with him but I’m so glad they got that one in.

~~~~~

OVERVIEW

By far the best of the specials. I quite enjoyed the sheer darkness and madness of this one, and David and Catherine absolutely knock it out of the park. The writing is largely very good and it’s very effective in its scare factor, as well as in showcasing the relationship between the Doctor and Donna. This is the best stuff they have in any of these specials and I felt a little more connected to them here than in the other two. That doesn’t say as much as I’d like it to, but I’ll take it.

It stands up very well on its own, which in one way is great and the mark of a wonderful episode, but in another way also speaks to one of my overall problems with these episodes which is that they’re not connected to each other. This is a fantastic story and extremely well done, but once again it doesn’t feel like it’s celebrating anything and I truly don’t understand why these specials weren’t written to be a lot more connected than they are. At the end of the day it’s just a collection of random episodes that fill a gap before Ncuti takes the reins. That said, I’m not complaining about this one, this really was very interesting. Definitely the standout episode out of the three.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE GIGGLE

- Getting this out of the way right from the start lest I comment on it during every scene of his: NPH steals the show. He acts his heart out here. On the one hand it’s a very different approach to and portrayal of the Toymaker, which would otherwise bother me, but I can buy it as a Toymaker who has had centuries and centuries since the original serial to grow madder and madder and madder (and though he doesn’t regenerate like a Time Lord, I’d still be willing to believe that pieces of his personality might shift with different faces). On the other hand, there is still very much an element of Michael Gough in his darker, more intense moments. Glints that you can see in his eyes and his wicked grin. Very different but very the same. I really wish more of the episode had focused on him, and even further that he had been involved in all three of these specials.

- I appreciate the different accents he puts on throughout, as it proves me right that he just copies things from all manner of cultures he has no connection to. Vindication.

- Genuinely creepy in the opening scene the way he talks about the doll family as if buying the one doll would be separating it from its family and make them sad. You get the impression he’s not kidding. Even creepier when he says the hair on the doll was from a woman who won’t be missing it and won’t miss anything ever again. This one scene sets up right from the off that he is deeply unsettling and has done truly horrifying things to the victims of his games.

- I keep looking for Easter eggs in the toy shop and keep finding nothing lol. Wasted opportunity to have a Trilogic game or something hidden in the background.

- There’s some very dark music that plays frequently which seems to be the Toymaker’s theme. I really like it.

- Very unsettling that the Doctor’s first interaction with the Toymaker is unbeknownst to him. I like that he just stays in the background for a minute before messing with him while he still doesn’t know it’s him.

- I don’t like that the new UNIT building is essentially Stark Tower. That’s much too ostentatious for an organization that’s supposed to keep a low profile. Their building in The Power of the Doctor was already way too big. I don’t know why they seem to have gone very public now.

- I like that Kate is so scared by all of this that the first thing she does is to just grab the Doctor in a hug. Also, nice shoutout to Kate having fought Yetis.

- Mel! 💗 It's so nice to have her here. I haven't seen her Classic stuff yet but I've always adored her from afar, she's so precious. I'm always here for bringing back old friends as long as it's done well. The Doctor's reaction to her is so sweet.

- Sorry to disappoint, Mel, but you’re not the first redhead lol.

- Cool little robot guy. I'd ask why they have him working for them but they also had an alien as their scientific advisor for years, so whatever.

- Very interesting to demonstrate what happens to people's minds by turning Kate's protective armband off. Her tirade over nothing is both funny and frightening.

- The return of newscaster Trinity Wells! Nice to see you, girl. Though I have no idea how UNIT not only created but has already been trying to mass produce and give to the world these Zeedex bands within 2 days for this to even be on the news. Apparently they were an invention of the robotic character the Vlinx but that’s still a bit fast lol.

- I like that Donna was able to figure out the music scale from a perfectly ordinary experience. And lol at having Bonnie Langford sing the arpeggio.

- Considering the implication that having traveled in the TARDIS prevents the effects of this on an individual, I now want fic of every companion who's living in modern day Earth reacting to all of their neighbors and family suddenly losing their crap. Ian and Barbara watching their friends pick loud fights in the streets, Jo seeing every member of her family go mad. Not to mention the characters who either never set foot in the TARDIS at all or not long enough for it to protect them. Poor Liz Shaw somewhere, and Benton and Yates. All of the SJA kids except for Sky since she's an alien, and she'd have to deal with all of them being terrible.

- I like that they have Mel doing some technical stuff since she was supposed to be a computer programmer.

- Glad they gave a reason for why and how Mel is back on Earth lol. Nice shoutout to Glitz while they were at it as well.

- Kate really seems to like offering everybody a job lol.

- Subtle bit of creepiness to the Toymaker that no matter how many of his juggling balls he throws, he's still juggling the same amount of balls.

- I'm glad they had him already know Donna's name. I imagined he would have to but you never know what writers are gonna do. I'm also very pleased that it's immediately acknowledged that the Toymaker is an extreme threat by having the Doctor tell Donna to go back to the TARDIS the second he's realized who it is.

- Heck yes to the brief Hartnell and Gough flashes! It's not only lovely to see them in general but I love the weight that it adds, that they know each other from so long ago, and that those people are still who they both are inside the different faces. You can see Michael Gough's eyes in NPH right here in particular and for a moment I feel I can even see Bill's eyes in David.

- Shoutout to the hidden Joeys in a couple of different places. They're not nearly as visible in the episode as the set pics made it seem but I know he's there.

- Love that he means Hartnell when he says, “When I was young.”

- I like the unnervingness of the endless hallway and all of the doors just leading you nowhere. I can imagine that kind of a trick in the original serial. (In fact I now really want to see that be something they'd have to deal with. I can just hear Steven's huffy, 'Oh, no,' when they realize they're never getting anywhere lol.) The two of them ending up separated is also good stuff.

- I still don't see what invoking a superstition at the edge of the universe has to do with bringing the Toymaker in. It's a really weird and nonsensical reason to give when the only reason you need is that he's finally coming for his rematch.

- Very creepy stuff with the poor man being made into a marionette, as well as the Doctor seeing himself as one. That’s the kind of disturbing factor I was hoping for with this special. There isn't a ton of this kind of thing here and I'd have gone quite a bit darker myself for this whole episode but I appreciate what we have.

- The Toymaker looming above, looking down as he holds the puppet strings is some really good imagery.

- Donna vs the rest of the doll family is very freakish, but I also feel bad for them because there's no way those weren't real people at one point. Particularly disturbing to have Donna rip Sue's head off and kick it across the room, considering. I know she doesn’t know these were people, and even if she did she does have to protect herself somehow, but yikes.

- I love the painted stage backdrops in the middle of absolute black nothingness. I was hoping they'd have this sort of thing, since much of the original is in this sort of broad, void-feeling space.

- I really like this bit where the Toymaker is showing what happened to the previous companions that have been on the show since Donna left. Very chilling to see him be well aware of all of the particulars of these events and I’m glad they went for it in torturing the Doctor with personal pain. It wasn’t as much or as dark as I’d hoped but I like it, and I always like seeing a Doctor acknowledge companions he was with when he had different faces. Very nice to see Ten’s face talk about Amy, Clara, and Bill. Also, nice recap for those who may have stopped after Tennant originally left, and wow, the Moffat era really had a ton of tragic departures. I keep thinking what must have been going through Neil’s head reading about a character who was killed by a bird, and the various insane-sounding reasons from the Doctor as to why these characters are somehow okay despite what happened to them, considering he apparently didn’t know about Doctor Who whatsoever prior to being approached for the role!

- Oh, the shift in the Toymaker’s face when the Doctor challenges him to a game. Stuff just got real.

- It’s so good to see them playing at a table again.

- “I made a jigsaw out of your history. Did you like it?” Not sure what that means unless they’re trying to indicate that he’s somehow responsible for the Timeless Child mythos, or at least for various inconsistencies in the Doctor’s life. I doubt they’d hand-wave away the whole TC arc like that when Russell said he wouldn’t undermine his friend’s work, so I don’t know what to make of this. But if we can ignore that from here on out then that rocks.

- Poor Master, lol. I can only imagine bedraggled and broken Dhawan being offered a chance to live if he played a game, taking the offer, and promptly losing. I want to know how that went down. Apparently very badly, if the price was being trapped inside the Toymaker’s gold tooth. Also, is he aware of what’s going on or is he just sort of in stasis in there? It would be awful for him if he were conscious of everything, but awful results are how the Toymaker operates, so I wouldn’t be surprised. Imagine the Master trying and failing to scream to the Doctor to do whatever he has to to get away.

- Okay, who on earth is this person the Toymaker supposedly didn’t dare play? They’re claiming that he played and defeated God but there’s somehow someone even more powerful that the Toymaker of all people is scared of? “The one who waits”? Jokingly headcanon-ing that it’s Rory until we get anything further on that, lol.

- I mean, the Toymaker ain’t wrong about the issues of the human race in the 21st century 🤷‍♀️ VERY weird to hear him say the word ‘cancel’ though. That originated here on tumblr to my knowledge. Things like that have gotta stop breaking containment, now they’re spreading so far that a character from 1966 is saying them.

- Love the Toymaker’s aghast reaction to Donna saying he’ll just cheat. Though they make it sound like he’s forced to always play by the rules by some sort of cosmic force that binds him. In the original you get the impression that it’s just a matter of principle to him, which I prefer.

- I like that the king on the playing card looks like it could either be Michael Gough or NPH, or perhaps a blurred line between them to represent both.

- Part of me feels like the dancing scene is a bit too far in terms of silliness for circumstances that should be very serious, but it’s also too enjoyable for me to not get a kick out of. They also managed to make it quite dark and threatening, having him appear all over the place, forcing Kate and then Mel to dance, turning the two UNIT men into bouncing balls that still retain the images of their screaming faces and the Doctor telling Kate that they’re dead, and making all of the bullets turn into rose petals therefore showing them all that they’re helpless against him. For something that should come across as ridiculous, it’s actually surprisingly effective. Though I don’t know what it is with RTD and having his big bads dance to girl group songs lol.

- When Kate asks where the guards and staff have gone and the Toymaker just goes, “I think they’re still falling.” Eek.

- Ten really has a thing for offering bad guys to travel with him instead of wreaking havoc lol. But I love that they had him say that the two of them together could be ‘celestial’. Thank you for the little reference and for proving me right again that that’s the context in which we’re supposed to take his title. Also, interesting little moment there where the Toymaker very nearly almost seemed tempted.

- This scene is very quickly ruined, but I like Donna and Mel going to the Doctor’s side to be with him as he regenerates. Very sweet to see two past companions who still love him very much and are willing to put themselves in the line of fire just to make sure he’s not alone. And when the Toymaker comments, “Handmaidens,” it reminds me of the original serial when he comments on Steven’s “adolescent expressions of loyalty”.

- Nice detail that Mel seems a lot more prepared and okay with the realities of regeneration, just comforting him with a smile and not seeming terribly worried whether he’s going to be okay because she knows he will be, she’s seen him in the aftermath of a regeneration before and loved both Doctors she was with. Of course she and Donna are both emotional, but Mel definitely strikes me as more ready to deal with what comes next.

- I’m really mad that this moment is all about to get undermined, because having Ten 2.0’s last words be, “Allons-y,” aka, ‘let’s go’, is incredibly fitting and poignant in contrast to the original, “I don’t want to go.” Why’d they have to go and ruin what could have been a nice, touching regeneration?

- Aaaand here’s the moment that ruins the entire rest of the story for me. Rather than regenerating like normal, the Doctor “bigenerates”, splitting into two of himself so we have both Tennant and Gatwa together. It’s hand-waved with, ‘oh there’s this thing called bigeneration that’s supposed to be a myth but apparently not!’ and then not discussed any further. Russell, you just got back, did you seriously have to already bring a massively disruptive lore change with you? We just had one. I seem to be in the minority, at least on tumblr, but I am not on board with having two Doctors existing simultaneously. It feels more like the Doctor split off a twin. You can’t copy a soul and have two of that soul at the same time. That is not how people work. I keep having to focus on Mel being adorable in the background because the rest of this is aggravating.

- I feel it robs Ncuti of a proper entrance as well. He doesn’t get the same process that every Doctor before him since Troughton has gotten. He’s relegated to splitting off of the fan favorite rather than taking his place as is kinda his right, which could also easily cause people to forever view him as an offshoot and not the proper Doctor. Not to mention the fact that their split also divided articles of clothing between the two of them, meaning Fifteen is left running around in underwear for the entire remainder of the episode. A lot of people seem fine with this but I really think it’s an undignified entrance for the poor guy, and I’m not sure it’s going to age very well either. It would be humiliating enough for any Doctor to start out that way but I can already see people in the future looking back on it as a very degrading introduction for the first black Doctor. My mind also often goes to considering whether certain things would come across the same if it were a woman, and boy, that would not be received well if the new Doctor were a woman having to run around in her underwear as an intro, which means it isn’t really great for a man either.

- I wish I could enjoy the two Doctors excitedly interacting, but that’s the kind of thing that’s only fun or interesting in the usual context of multiple incarnations meeting up from different time periods. This stuff would otherwise be cute, but in the context it’s in, I’m just too uncomfortable to enjoy any of it.

- “Do you come in a range of colors?” is another line that I’m not sure is gonna age well. I’m not sure I like the sound of it now as it is.

- The Toymaker claims he played against the “guardians of time and space” and shrunk them into voodoo dolls. Are we talking Fifth Doctor era Guardians? Poor guys.

- Part of me feels the “ball game” final fight is cool looking (or at least, it’s well-shot to distract me from the fact that it’s not that good; I can’t decide), but the ultimate result is disappointing. It’s pretty unsatisfying to have the Toymaker’s defeat be that he happened to not catch a ball. It makes him look unskilled to just have it graze past his hand when he easily could have stretched slightly further and gotten it. I know people say that his original defeat in the old serial was anticlimactic, but he was defeated because the Doctor was clever. It wasn’t that the Toymaker did anything that would lead to his own loss, it’s not that he wasn’t as clever, it’s just that the Doctor had a good idea and succeeded with it. It was very evenly matched, but somebody has to win even in a very tight game and it was the Doctor. Here, the Toymaker loses because he was unlucky. It wasn’t a victory on the Doctor’s part, the Toymaker just messed up. That doesn’t feel like a satisfying defeat at all because it’s not even a defeat. Everything hinges on the Toymaker somehow not catching a ball.

- Don’t know if that’s the last we’ll see of the Toymaker. It may be the last of NPH playing him at least. I wouldn’t be shocked if they brought the character back for another round some decades down the line, just get him out of the box and dust him off on the rare occasion.

- He says his “legions” are coming, and I believe RTD has said that Fifteen is going to keep facing them. Curious who those will be. I don’t exactly see the Toymaker having armies in reserve somewhere.

- Good for the poor man that he gets to not be a marionette anymore!

- Fifteen: “You can’t save everyone.”

Ten: “Why not?”

Because you go Time Lord Victorious when you start asking that question. Have a Snickers.

- Again, I wish I could enjoy the two Doctors. Fifteen comforting Ten should be a very sweet thing, but this whole thing just feels so wrong to me.

- Well, cue endless speculation on whose hand picked up that gold tooth with the Master in it. That should keep the fandom going for a while.

- ^ Also, ahhh, the various Master laughs when it focuses in on that! I think I hear my beloved Delgado!

- I greatly appreciate all of the Classic references when they’re talking about all of the things they’ve gone through and never stopped to rest after, and all of the people lost.

- Fifteen: “Sarah Jane has gone, can you even believe that for a second?”

Ten: “I loved her.”

Fifteen: “I loved her.”

Owww, official confirmation in TV canon that Sarah Jane is gone by now. I’d appreciated that they had never explicitly said anything like they did with the Brigadier. I loved her, too. 😢

- ^ Also mentioning loving Rose, ahhh. The Doctor has never actually said those words to or about her because he was always an idiot thinking it didn’t need to be said. Finally, a Doctor says onscreen that he loved Rose! 2012 me is pleased.

- Mavic Chen! RTD said he’d be mentioned at some point, but still, there’s a deep cut of a reference! Heck yeah, Hartnell enthusiasts rise.

- “I’m fine because you fix yourself. We’re Time Lords, we’re doing rehab out of order.” Okay, this particular line would seem to imply that at some point when Ten 2.0 eventually regenerates, it will be to Fifteen? That he’s thrown back into the timeline and bigenerates out of himself as Fifteen, thus meaning there’s still just the one Doctor and the timeline aligns itself? Nothing else in this episode indicates that whatsoever, but if that’s what I’m meant to take out of it then it would fix a lot.

- So… they’re seriously saying that he became Ten again for the emotional catharsis of sitting back and living with Donna’s family for a while. Messing up regeneration lore to enable past lives to come back, ignoring that the point of regeneration since its inception is to move forwards, for what is essentially RTD’s fix-it AU fic for his own characters. This continues to feel like it’s RTD’s celebration of his own stuff rather than an overall 60th anniversary celebration. I really want to be happier about having my Ten back, and that Donna gets to remember everything, but so much of the way this has been done leaves a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.

- Aaand oh boy. Here’s the bit where they duplicate the TARDIS. For the sake of argument, say that Fifteen really did come after Ten 2.0 living his life with the Nobles and he’s just thrown backwards in the timeline. If that’s supposed to be the same with the TARDIS, that he’s just bringing it into this time somehow from where it last was with Ten 2.0 prior to his regeneration, then that would be fine. But there is absolutely nothing that indicates this. The takeaway I get is that the TARDIS has been copied. Tennant is going to stay at the Nobles’ and have the original TARDIS on hand so he can still leave sometimes. Gatwa takes off in the copied TARDIS. The Doctor that we’re supposed to be following from here on out is no longer traveling in the very same TARDIS as he always has. If that’s seriously the case, then that’s a GIGANTIC heck no from me. Absolutely not.

- Oh, how I wish I could more properly enjoy this final scene of Ten with the Nobles. On paper it’s absolutely adorable. If they confirm that Fifteen is the regeneration after and not an awkward offshoot, then retroactively I could enjoy this a lot more, but until that potentially happens, I’m still uncomfortable with the two separate Doctors at the same time and therefore uncomfortable with the context of him being here because there was a second Doctor who can keep going instead.

- Would have sworn that the Doctor’s eyebrow story was going to be about Delphon but then he says another name. Oh well.

- I do really like that Mel gets to join in on the Noble family gatherings. Lovely to keep her until the end and that she gets to have sort of a family. “Mad Aunty Mel” 💗

- ^ Also sweet that the Doctor took her to New York in the Gilded Age for a nice little trip at some point in the time skip before this. Mel deserves nice things.

- Why are we saying that Wilf is shooting the moles in the garden? Unless there’s something I’m forgetting where he’s done something like that before, I don’t feel like Wilf would hurt a fly let alone moles. With how hard it was for him to take out his gun after so many years in The End of Time I’m not sure I buy him being okay with shooting anything. Weird note to end on for him.

- Having the Doctor spend most of his time living with the Nobles and resting presents a bit of a Steve-stays-in-the-past-in-Endgame problem in that there’s no way he wouldn’t always be trying to right wrongs around him. Just like Steve would have to ignore every horrible thing he could do something about, including rescuing Bucky who is being tortured out there, any time this Doctor isn’t there when something is going terribly wrong nearby, it means he’s ignoring it while he lounges. That doesn’t sound like him at all.

- And off Fifteen goes, getting ready to go into the Christmas special. I’m worried about it but hopefully it’s better than I think it will be…?

~~~~~

OVERVIEW

Oh, massive mixed bag.

I really like the Toymaker parts of the episode. He wasn’t in nearly as much of it as he should have been and his downfall is disappointing, but the overall writing for him and performance by NPH was fantastic. There’s some very good dark and twisted stuff in here and I’m glad they went for it, even if I would have done even more with it. He is far and away the main highlight of the episode and much of my enjoyment of it is down to him. Mel also plays a considerable role in that, just because I’m thrilled any time an old companion turns up, but I also felt more connected to her, whose stories I haven’t even seen yet, than Ten or Donna somehow. Honorable mention to Kate and Shirley who were also great.

As has been true of all of these, I still just can’t fully emotionally connect with Ten and Donna. I desperately wanted to, and there’s a part of me that did in a way, but nowhere near how it should have been. I feel like I’m insane because on paper there’s nothing even wrong with them and it sure as heck ain’t the performances. But going from a few of their episodes in series 4 in the lead-up and feeling all sorts of strong emotions, that somehow just didn’t carry over to this and I don’t get why. Pacing? Trapped in the poor writing around them? I seriously can’t figure this out, but it doesn’t feel the same as it used to at all. Something is wrong and I don’t know what the heck it is.

And there’s the matter of Ten coming back because apparently that specific incarnation needed a happy ending. I really feel the need to emphasize that I LOVE TEN, but being nostalgic and sentimental isn’t a good enough reason to mess with the regeneration cycle and skip backwards a few lives. Literally the reason they give is that this particular face needed rest (they do say that the Doctor needs rest generally, but they didn’t have to go back to this face to do that — Donna indicates that this face came back so that he could ‘come home’ and be happy.) It feels way too much like favoritism to single this incarnation out in such a big way, and honestly? Ten needed to go when he did. He was becoming someone he wasn’t and it was his time. Of all of the Doctors, his was the one that actually really needed to regenerate, for the sake of his own soul. It was certainly distressing but it was a solid end for him. I don’t feel he needs this do-over to go back and get a happy ending. No one Doctor deserves that over another (though if they did, it would be poor Two whose life was cut short by execution courtesy of his own kind.) I love Ten so dearly but it feels wrong to act like he’s so important that he specifically has earned any of this treatment. I’m beginning to appreciate Tom Baker’s approach of not making multiple comebacks precisely because of his popularity.

For a good chunk of this ep, the writing was pretty good, especially where the Toymaker himself was concerned. But once the bigeneration happened, it was so downhill that it makes me struggle to want to rewatch this even for the good parts. I’m really, really hoping that I’m right and Fifteen is meant to come after Ten 2.0 has already had his lifetime, ditto his TARDIS, because it would largely save this episode for me and because the alternative is completely appalling and I can’t be okay with it. To make matters worse, Russell has claimed that he believes the bigeneration echoed back into all previous regenerations and causing each Doctor to split off from the last so they all get to go on with their own life, that they’re ALL out there in some kind of “Doctorverse”, which is absolutely insane. It defeats the purpose of regeneration: “Times change and so must I,” and, “Life defends on change and renewal.” This completely flies in the face of a critical aspect of the show, that one has to move on eventually. There’s a time for each of these incarnations, but they can’t last forever. It weakens all of these deaths, a good number of which were sacrifices, to claim that they all actually get to live on, and the very idea of it also supports my fear that there’s seriously just supposed to be two Doctors now and we’re supposed to be okay with that. According to Russell there’s a whole ton of Doctors existing simultaneously and that’s supposed to be okay. It’s the definition of bonkers is what it is. I really feel the opposite of all of the ‘RTD saved the show!’ sentiments; it feels like he’s gotten too big for his britches and has returned with a bizarre god complex where he’s wielding way too much power and plans to use all of it however he wishes. He’s single-handedly making me nervous for this entire next era.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BIG PICTURE

Though there are definitely things I liked, particularly the Toymaker and Wild Blue Yonder, there was far too much that I don’t feel good about for me to be able to say I really loved these specials. I probably won’t reblog much of it beyond what I already have and I’m not particularly motivated to rewatch these except in a full-scale series rewatch because I’m not the sort of person who can let myself skip stuff.

I really feel like these should have been either Jodie’s or Ncuti’s. Ten didn’t need to be here, much as I love him. It could have either been a very dramatic ending for Thirteen (though I enjoyed The Power of the Doctor for that) or a very interesting beginning for Fifteen. It would be interesting to see a brand new Doctor have to navigate such intense stuff. And if it had been Thirteen, I honestly feel I may have emotionally connected better because she’s who we’ve been with.

In my perfect world, these would have all had to do with the Toymaker. Have him be woven throughout the first episode (and give that first ep a very different plot than what we got) and then a cliffhanger that reveals him as having been behind it all, leading into two full episodes of fighting against his power. Either keep Wild Blue Yonder, because it’s pretty darn good, and just have it so that my initial thoughts regarding involvement from the Toymaker were correct, or alter it entirely and focus on really delving into who he is and how much danger they’re in. Make them play deadly games. Get some incredibly dark and disturbing visuals and emotional torture in there; show past companions as puppets and dolls (whether it’s really them or not), have them come to life and taunt the Doctor if they’re fake or hauntingly beg him to save them if they’re real, make him face choosing between saving Donna vs other friends, really dig in as deeply and darkly as is possible without permanent consequences like death. Make episode 3 a long battle of wits with lots of intimate time between the Doctor and the Toymaker, with extremely severe personal stakes. Go all out. If you’re going to use the Toymaker again you really should be taking advantage of just how far you can go with a character like this, and the dynamic between him and the Doctor. Give NPH a boatload of screen time and a big, twisted sandbox to play in. Loads of emotionally, mentally, conceptually, and visually dark and disturbing things. They had some very good stuff but there should have been more of it, and even more unsettling, or at least on par with the marionette man and the soldiers turned to balls. If we keep Tennant for this, make the regaining of his face a plot point that was influenced by the Toymaker, something to torture him because Ten was one of the most emotionally volatile and damaged. When regenerating into Fifteen, let it be a normal regeneration, preferably caused by the Doctor needing to sacrifice himself to defeat the Toymaker because he can’t get away like he did before — this time, he really does have to face going down with the Toymaker to succeed. Keep Donna because she’s a prime resource for hitting Ten where it hurts, but have their reunion be orchestrated and the regaining of her memories be more complicated. It shouldn’t be as easy as it was. Have ample time to give full acknowledgment to the stakes involved. If she regains them in the first episode and it feels too easy, make it so that the Toymaker has only made it seem that way, but she’s in serious trouble the longer she goes on with her memory intact. Either tragically make her forget again in the end to save her life and to not completely undo Journey’s End, or make it far more complicated to ensure that she can safely retain the memories. It should only be in the final episode when they’ve fought for it and come out victorious that they can confirm that she’s safe and is able to go on this way. Definitely keep Mel somewhere in here, as well as having other old friends appear in some way or another. In the VERY least, just reference Steven and Dodo, because they didn’t, dang it all, and I ask for so little.

There’s so much that I wish these specials had done, that I wish they’d been. And largely, they just didn’t. For all the good that there was, there was a heck of a lot that ultimately makes it fail as a collective whole, at least for me. I had to put on a Classic story as a palate cleanser after going through all of that again.

[halfagone]

Omg, Divinity is such a cool hero name for Peacock Danny! That was really amazing! I actually have one more admittedly self indulgent add on to the prompt if that’s alright. So Danny starts mentoring these kids, and it turns out he’s really good at it, but despite things going well he can’t help but feel uncomfortable by the awe stricken gazes they give him and how they cling on to every word they says. Danny is naturally confused why, because he’s nothing special right? Soon he decides to just straight up ask them why they seem to respect him so much, and Marinette goes on a spiel about how their kwamis told the duo about Danny’s exploits, how he’s beaten gods, how he almost made the ultimate sacrifice to re seal Pariah, and how he’s next in line for the throne. It turns out that the kwamis were bigger fans then Danny thought they were. What do you think?

HOHOHO (I am glad you liked Danny's Peackock name, I debated that one a lot, but I liked the name Divinity tying into the popular headcanon of Danny being the Ghost King, you know the drill-) But this is a really fun addition! I can imagine it going along the lines of this:

---

Ladybug and Chat Noir kept staring at him. And, okay, maybe Danny was thinking too much into this because he's trying to teach them how to break a hold and they need to see it to know what to do, but they're staring a little more intensely than really necessary. And they practically had stars in their eyes, and quite frankly, Danny was feeling a little overwhelmed. He couldn't think of a reason why they would looking at him so intently either, unless they were really interested in this lesson? But they kept looking at him like that even when he wasn't teaching anything at the moment.

Maybe Danny should just ask.

"Is there... any reason you keep looking at me like that?" Danny asked cautiously. In unison, the two younger teenagers tilted their heads to the side. "You know- The intense staring?"

Ladybug began to blubber out an excuse while Chat Noir just straight up asked, "Is that bothering you? Sorry, we can't help it!"

Okay, time to rephrase it then. "And why is that?"

"It's just- We had no idea you were such a veteran hero!" Ladybug explained now, and the brightness to her face reminded him so strongly of Tikki that he really wanted to coo. His core hummed happily in his chest at the thought, and Danny had to stuff it down harshly. He'd prefer it if he could look them in the eye after this.

Danny looked on as she continued, "Our Kwamis told us about your adventures through time and- Is it true that you defeated the equivalent of gods?"

"I wouldn't... call them 'gods', per se-" Danny began apprehensively.

"So you're not next in line to be the Ghost King?" Chat Noir inquired, his ears twitching on his head. So cute, Danny wanted to weep.

"I mean- technically-" Danny started again. That led to another round of awed gasps and questions from his two newest... protégés? Students? Danny didn't know what to call them anymore. He seemed to have gotten a pretty good handle of this mentor thing, and he could see an improvement in their performances against the akuma and the occasional amok, but it just felt wrong to take credit for all their hard work. Even when they profusely thanked him for their lessons.

Now Danny was beginning to wonder how much of it stemmed from the Kwami's stories of him.

He was going to have to talk to Tikki and Plagg after this.

[flowering-darkness]

dream interludes: an unintended exchange (Clio/Aria)

After teaming up with an eclectic mix of characters to figure out why the worlds are in disarray, Clio and co. learn that the scattered Jamba Hearts may play a role - and the three mage sisters of Jambandra, plus their apparent subordinate “Rogue”, are hunting the hearts for evil purposes.

One night, just after the party successfully recover their first one, Clio seems to dream of the very foe who has opposed her and the others at every turn so far - but this nightmare doesn’t play out how she expected it to.. (2158 words)

Here is the first of what will be a series of scenes from Origins, an RP I’m part of that features both Aria (my self-insert) and Clio (my KHUX OC)! I am very grateful to @mark-seins for allowing me to be so self-indulgent here.. but it’s also something with fun potential for later plot points, so =3

This is technically very pre-relationship, and the particular version of arilio for this story is going to be very much enemies-to-lovers, but.. it still felt like something I could post here as well, so I hope it’s alright that I do. I’m happy to explain any part of it if anyone wants me to ^-^

Comments and/or reblogs are always appreciated, but never a requirement. Thank you to anyone and everyone who decides to read what I write!~

Document transcript below the readmore (in case the link doesn’t work):

The events of the last few days weighed heavily on Clio’s consciousness, and she knew as she settled down for bed that they would lead to a difficult night for her even *after* she had tried to clear her mind of actively thinking about them.

Indeed, once she had finally gone off to sleep, her mind’s eye did not take long to place her in a disorienting situation - she began to dream of being trapped inside a dark corridor, while a massive Heartless loomed above her.

“Right, come on, we can do this..” she was saying - though no-one else was around to assist her in this fight. Her dreams were consistently dangerous enough that she’d honestly gotten used to being in them to some extent, even if she didn’t often remember them when she woke up.

She ran forwards to strike at the foe with her Keyblade, trying to leap up and get to its weaker points above her. The Heartless itself, a towering Assault Dragon, lunged for her with a mechanical roar as the Shadows in its core writhed angrily - but she was just about able to dodge in time, slashing away at the gears on its side. The very air around her seemed to glow as the dragon hissed out a jet of smoke and started to charge a beam of energy in its mouth. It was all she could do to try and twist it into itself, rooted to the ground as it seemed to be - but the whole thing rocked sideways with a groan of metal parts creaking together, and although the blast missed her, it also didn’t hit itself either.

“I could *really* have done with that working, y’know!” she yelled with a tut - but she was able to use her agility to her advantage, diving back around to start attacking from a new place on the body. She couldn’t really tell how long the battle had gone on for, but eventually, the scrapes and damages she had inflicted to the Heartless’ metal skeleton seemed to win out, as a final decisive blow caused the whole structure to collapse, and the Heartless to dissipate into Lux which then quickly faded.

“Phew.. There we go..” she said to the air, though a part of her almost knew that was probably only the beginning. Taking a moment to catch her breath, she looked around at the dark corridor she seemed to be in, but couldn’t make out any of its details.

Then she sensed something move behind her.

Turning around as quickly as she could, nothing seemed to be there, but she started running towards the source of the sensation. Though there was no indication of where she was from her surroundings, she found herself able to move what *felt* like forwards in the cavernous darkness, and with the light of her Keyblade still shining in her hands, she eventually managed to find an exit.

She kept going through the exit, and found herself standing in what could have been the square around the fountain in Daybreak Town; it seemed reminiscent of where she used to meet up with her fellow Keyblade wielders. Despite it being the middle of the night, the air seemed surprisingly mild in temperature, which gave the environment an odd though not unwelcome feel.

As she approached the central fountain, the same sensation arose again, and she instinctively whipped her head around to try and see its source - but, just like before, there was nothing in her view to see. She opened her mouth to speak, but found that her voice had unexpectedly disappeared. Frowning, she instead turned back towards the fountain - she could hear the quiet splashing of its water, and so thought that a drink might help free up her throat, as well as calm her nerves; she must have still been tense from the sudden fighting earlier.

When she reached the fountain’s edge at last, the way the water was agitated meant she couldn’t make out any details of her reflection in its surface - but this was quite normal. She was used to the weary feeling of being in a dream by now, and after so long of having to experience such similar events, she could even start piecing together some of the reasons behind what she went through each night - not that there were always reasons to be fathomed out, of course, but occasionally there would be something she could at least find a potential explanation for, and while she didn’t feel a need to understand every single aspect of her subconscious, the straws she was sometimes able to grasp at did nevertheless bring her some form of solace in the face of her more persistent nightmares.

(Tonight’s encounter with a massive draconic Heartless, for example, made sense in the wake of the dragon-like form taken by Ren’s Shadow, which she was so recently forced to face; while she had had a large group of allies alongside her in however close a Palace came to reality, the world of her dreams offered no such support or companionship for her now, though.)

Clio dispelled her Keyblade, blinking momentarily at how much less lit-up doing so made the space around her, and reached down into the fountain to cup some water into her hands; she found it pleasantly cool to the touch, in comparison to the strangely-balmy night. As she went to drink it, there seemed to be nothing untoward about its texture or taste - however, she realised as she did so that the sound of splashing water was not the only thing she could hear; it once again seemed like something was slowly approaching her from behind. Despite sensing this, she decided to take a deep breath and try her best to feign unawareness, fighting against the curiosity and concern rising up inside her just to see if that perhaps might let her spot the answer.

The sensation slowly increased in intensity, like a long shadow looming over her as her back was turned, but it eventually stopped increasing as the almost-silent footsteps on the stones behind her stilled. Clio could tell from listening out for their pace that they *were* footsteps, but had not seen any change in the lighting around her as she finished her drink from the fountain, so she surmised that their owner had stopped further away from her than the looming dread now hanging over her would indicate.

There was a pause, but in the end, her instincts refused to let her stay vulnerable any longer.

She turned around.

And saw a familiar cat-eared figure with long black wings.

Instantly, her eyes widened and she let out a cry, taking a step back to position herself properly and nearly falling backwards into the fountain in the process.

“Wh- You’re that Rogue girl!”

Clio’s voice rang loudly off the stone of the plaza, enough to make “Rogue”’s own eyes widen in return.

“Y-You- You saw me, then?” she(?) asked, as if confused. Her(?) ears were flattened against her(?) head.

“*Yes*, I saw you, or- see you now, at the very least!” she exclaimed. Her heart was now frantically pounding from being so startled, even if she had quite deliberately put herself in such a situation, having not known what was creeping up on her.

“What do you want?!” she then asked, defensively.

“That.. is not your concern.” she(?) replied, her(?) voice terse but not forceful. “I cannot say this has gone how it should have..”

It was now Clio’s turn to frown as her adversary’s expression - or what was visible of it, anyway - became contemplative, like she(?) was lost in her(?) own thoughts.

Something about her(?) presence seemed wrong, but she had to assume that was due to this being the first time she had seen her(?) with her(?) hood down, and could properly see her(?) head and newly-visible flowered hairpiece in full.

..Could dreams fill in details like that?

“What do you mean?” she then asked her(?), more tentatively.

At that, “Rogue” looked up at her from beneath her(?) messy, dark blonde hair.

“I didn’t expect you to take notice of me here.” she(?) then admitted, after a pause. “Such a factor can still be advantageous, I suppose, but it does complicate things..”

Clio’s frown deepened. “So I’m not supposed to be able to see you? But, of course I can see you, this is my dream!”

“That this dream is yours is true enough, but to think yourself its master is quite another.” she(?) replied. “Were that the case, you would surely have the strength to free yourself from the nightmares you suffer, yes?”

She was taken aback by that. “W-Well.. not exactly! I’ve heard of people who can make themselves dream whatever they want, and- sure, if I had that power it might let me have a decent night’s sleep for once, but-“

“So the sudden appearance of your battle before was not new to you, then. I suppose I should have known from how aptly you handled it.”

“Huh??”

By this stage, Clio was quite sure she wouldn’t have been able to keep up with Rogue’s deductions had this conversation been happening in the waking world, let alone with her feeling as exhausted as she tended to in her dreams.

“_Look_, I still don’t understand- why you’re here.” she began, trying to climb her way back to confidence. “Especially not like this. I was expecting us to just.. fight again.”

“Is that the usual course of your dreams, then?” she(?) then asked, tilting her(?) head to one side. “An endless stream of constant conflict?”

There was a pause as she then let out a grumpy sigh. “It’s either that, or I’m running for my life, or being shouted at, or some other violent scene’s playing out in front of me..”

She(?) stayed silent at that, though the silence was not a cold one.

“So, yeah, that’s why this is weird.” she continued, her expression now decidedly melancholy.

“..Wait, why am I even talking to you about this?”

Her(?) cheeks rose up behind her mask as if she(?) was smiling. “Who can say? Beyond the confines of the waking world, your heart and mind are free to express themselves as they truly would want - is that not what some believe?”

Clio frowned again. “What’s that meant to mean?!”

Her quick jump to her own defence made her sigh exasperatedly to get the rising tension out of her shoulders, but she did see how the girl(?)’s lynx-like ears had dipped downwards again from her outburst.

“..Look, you’ve been confusing me every time you’ve shown up and caused trouble.” she then began.

“First you ran circles around me and Mimi ‘til Morrigan and Kazuki arrived, but then they seemed fine with giving you Francisca back despite the fact she ordered you to kill us.

Then you set Hoa Sen off into a panic as soon as he saw you, but he also wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.

And then you corrupted Ren’s Shadow with more darkness, but didn’t even stay to finish us off.

So- who are you, Rogue? What are you trying to achieve??”

There was a long pause.

“..I am not “Rogue”, for one thing.” she(?) said quietly. “Not somewhere like here, if anywhere.”

“Huh?” It dawned on her how tense the girl(?) before her had become. “As in, that’s not.. your *name*, or-?”

She(?) shook her(?) head, which Clio realised was not a particularly clear answer, but it seemed she was - however reluctantly - willing to speak further.

“Not *here*.” she(?) repeated. “It is all that the sisters will call me, but-”

Clio tried to step forward as she(?) was talking, but had to raise her arm up to shield her face instead. From the unspecified horizon in the distance, it seemed like the sun had just started to come up - and then from either side of her, a fog began to roll in.

Though her(?) sight was not turned towards the slowly-rising dawn, she(?) could sense it reach a new stage in approaching from Clio’s reaction.

“Ah.. So the waking world sees fit to reclaim you, then.” she(?) stated. “Of course..”

“Wait a second-” She tried to close the distance between the two by running forwards, but doing so only seemed to make the fog close in more quickly, and it felt like she was sinking into the ground.

“What were you going to say??” she cried.

The thin mist now filling the air between the two was growing thicker by the second, though it retained a certain brightness nevertheless.

“Perhaps another night.” she(?) declared, her(?) voice still holding melancholy. “Though, perhaps..”

She(?) gave a sigh, but it was muffled.

The last thing Clio caught before the fog engulfed her entirely was the mysterious figure looking directly towards her.

And though her(?) mouth was obscured by a mask, she(?) nevertheless said *something*-

-which sounded a bit like “Fiore”.

[spaceorphan18]

fic writer 20 questions - ask game

Thank you @bitbybitwrites for letting me self indulge more.

i still have issues with tagging, but -- @wowbright or @redheadgleek or @coffeegleek wanna try - go for it!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

Right now - 59. But there are some I think I'm going to take down, mostly the MCU related WIPs I started and have no intention of finishing.

2. whats your ao3 word count?

899,883

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Right now - only Glee. But I started with The Office, and have written MCU related things, too.

4. top 5 fics by kudos

1. 99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story 417 2. The Accident 336 3. Chasing Pavements 312 4. Faking It 303 5. How I Met My Soul Mate - A Drunken Kurt Story 275

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I do! But I get so behind. I'm finally caught up again, but I'll go months without responding (and I always feel bad). I feel like - if you've taken the time to write, I should take the time and thank you for acknowledging my work.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really have any that have angsty endings - I'm not big on that. I do have bittersweet and sad endings, though -- such as Things We Say in the Shadows, Scenes from December, and The End of the Story

7. whats the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ooh, I don't know - maybe Chasing Pavements?

8. do you get hate on fics?

Not really. I think I had one comment once that said they thought I needed more editing. (which, fair) and one that didn't like how I did vampires in Things We Say in the Shadows -- but since I know nothing about Vampire lore - I wasn't too worried about it.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Clearly, I do. But here's the thing about smut. I feel like - when you start writing, it can be like this scary thing, and then the more you do it, the more almost... routine it starts becoming? It's been an interesting journey...

10. do you write crossovers? whats the craziest one youve ever written?

Not really? Only when it's kind of done in a cracky way. I wrote Scam School as a joke, which is a Glee/MCU crossover. And Blurring Lines is a RPF crack fic about Kurt and Blaine's reaction to Darren and Mia getting engaged.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

God, I hope not. Please let me know if someone has!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I had someone ask if they could translate my works into German! So they are!

13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I have! @ckerouac and I wrote a silly MCU fic about fake dating and @darriness and I wrote a cute one-shot together.

14. fave all time ship?

Hmmm, I don't know! I'm still having fun writing Klaine. I will always have a special place in my heart for Jim and Pam - and sometimes think about writing more of them. And there are lots out there that I enjoy - but I wouldn't necessarily write fic about.

15. wip you want to finish but doubt you will?

Idk about doubt completely, but I'd love to finish writing The CrossRhodes Saga -- it's a 40s noir mystery, and it's so fun.

16. what are your writing strengths?

Probably conversation -- also, the ability to weave in canon elements. Plus, I think I'm funny - I don't know if other people think I am though.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Details and descriptions. Also transitions. And probably mechanical things like where to use a comma. Plus, my inability to just proofread and clean it up before posting.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Make sure you know what you're doing? Or have someone proofread it? Idk - I've never done it.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

I mean, if you want to get technical, it'd be The Mighty Ducks when I was ten... but the first thing anyone read was for The Office.

20. fave fic youve written?

It's really a toss up between With Every Broken Bone -- which, was really a fic written for me and how to reconcile between seasons 5 and 6. I still will go back and reread that one. The month of June still manages to be one of my favorite things I've ever written. And 99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story which may have been a long, tedious journey to write, but it ended up being just exactly what I wanted it to be. I also have hopes for my current project: Head Over Feet but we'll have to see how that works out when I finish it.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi, Charity! Is it a thing of low Se/Ne types to feel some sort of eagerness to “live”, “do things” and “get out of their comfort zone” (since they don’t usually do this sort of things)? I’m an IFJ (leaning towards ISFJ) and I’m dealing with this exact feeling right now. I’m not a long term planner, but I’m constantly escaping to my own mind, so I’m never fully “present” (reality always feels abstract, as if I’m living inside a dream or something). The thing is, when I look around and see people actually just living, I get jealous of them. I want that, I want to fall in love, to be actually present, to go to parties and have fun like a normal person for once! I really enjoy my daydreams, but… I also want to make them come true (it’s hard for me, since I love my comfort zone as well, but… If I’m willing to achieve something, I know that getting away from my bubble won’t be that difficult). The thing is, I’m afraid to fall into a grip or something like that the minute I decide to act more spontaneously, since it doesn’t match with my “go-to” behavior. My father usually jokes around, saying that him and I are the “serious and technical ones” while my mother and sister are “spontaneous and artistic”. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, I know, but it’s hard to accept my true self because I wish I was like them, which leads me to the “I should just do things and have fun!” thoughts. It’s hard to find balance, though, because I know I’m dealing with a weak function (and I have previous history of overusing it — I have to hold my impulses on a daily basis because, believe me, I will do/say something I’ll regret later if I don’t control myself). Is there a way to deal with this in a healthy way (and, specially, without feeling that I’m about to let a dog get off its leash)? Thanks, hope you have an amazing 2023!!

Why do you think it’s all or none with you, either you don’t do anything or you over-indulge? Can you find a way to meet in the middle by including enough entertainment, newness, and pleasure in your life to avoid going overboard? Depriving yourself leads to binging things. Are there safe impulses you can give into? Or you could turn this around and ask—what’s driving these impulses? What lies at the heart of these behaviors? What is it that I am deeply craving that is unfulfilled in me? Can you be spontaneous within limitations? Without specifics, it’s hard for me to know what to tell you –are we talking you go nowhere for a month and then blow your savings on a trip? Or you go nowhere, do nothing, and wind up hooking up for a night with a total stranger?

What’s stopping you from “actually living”? That it might be scary and disquieting and force you to change some things? Well, what’s one or two things that could take you toward the life you want? You won’t have to fear a grip if you are engaging that function healthfully every day in some way. I’d be interested in why you are thinking about ISFJ and not INFJ at this point, since seeing reality as an abstract thing and then over-indulging in it happens a lot more with inferior Se types. They can be inert, do nothing, and them impulsive and they consider that self-destructive, because it’s “too much” REALITY. Too much risk, too much outside my abstract, daydreaming, waiting-for-the-right moment life. But… why not take risks? Why not do things? Why not go out and date? Maybe 2023 can be the year of “I’m going to try ‘living’ instead of ‘dreaming about it’ and see what happens as a result.” As long as you set parameters (what you will and won’t do) and stay within them, it could be a learning experience that helps lift you out of your anxiety of going overboard into a normal level of sensory interaction. It feels like you are unsatisfied with your life as it is, and that is making you want to be impulsive—but maybe if you figure out what’s missing and get it, you will feel less self-destructive or indulgent. Typically, boredom with your life leads to impulses. So why are you bored? Are you in the wrong “life”? Are you in need of friends who challenge you more? Do you feel like it’s time to discover yourself? What would it take to make you find that sweet spot where you are doing something you actively love in your free time and that makes life worth living? What have you tried? Do you have hobbies that evolve, new interests, have you experienced new things or tried to cook new foods? Feed your desire for variety and novelty, don’t starve it to death.

[shadowynn]

hey there, im sam, nice to meet you!

im a recent follower and started reading ilal around last month i think? i guess i got here when you had just released chapter 8. im such a big fan of this fic, you have no idea! its probably one of my favorites in all ateez tumblr rn. i wasnt a fan of fanfics that have chapters (ive read one-shots for the longest time) but this preference has started to change recently and ilal has a major role in it. the story and universe is amazing, im truly amazed!

and i love how you write y/n, i see myself A LOT in her. major intimacy and vulnerability fear gang here :)) i swear that some of her thoughts have been literally the same as mine's and thats so endearing and self indulgent to me. i also love her relationship with her sibilings! then being so close is such a heartfelt element in the story for me, as a person whos rlly attached to my sibilings too. and im not even gonna start talking ab the members or else ill write a full thesis about every. single. one. of. them. and. how. they. treat. and. treasure. y/n. so. fucking. much. even though ther relationship has problems.

just wanted to say hi, present myself and say that ill probably be a frequent in your asks specially to talk ab ilal. you're a wonderful writer! thank you so so much for sharing your talent with us! :)

ps. (1): a special thanks for using hongjoong's cruella hair in ilal. as a joong biased who was obssessed w cruella in teenage and loves his hair like that ive never been hapPIER

ps. (2): just saw this reel right b4 sending this ask and althought i imagine their clothing to not be so fancy during the trip (is is the correct word? struggles in non native english speaker) to taeyang, but this is chapter 11 yunho to me. i dont make the rules.

hi!! it's so nice to meet you too!

i'm so glad you enjoy ilal! it's been an absolute pleasure to write, and i enjoy nothing more than getting to share it with all of you! and wow, i'm so glad you gave ilal a chance! that really means a lot! i've always been more of a chapter person myself, but i completely understand why one-shots can be preferable because then you don't have to wait weeks/months to get more. i've wanted/thought about writing more one-shots myself, but sadly, i'm not very good with it. an idea gets into my head and then i write way too many words. which is also a problem because i usually struggle with finishing things. my drive is literally full of unfinished works. oops. but don't worry, i have never been more motivated to finish a fic before ilal. like, this one is going to be the one that i finally finish.

i'm so glad you love y/n's characteristics. i'm honestly really bad about using my own personalities and characteristics in characters i write because it's easier. and i think ilal y/n is probably the closest person i've written to myself. i didn't really mean for it to be that way, but oops. i'm glad though that you and others can relate to y/n though, and to know you're not the only one who struggles in areas like those. (like literally, i've been with my partner for almost three years now and i still struggle with being vulnerable around them.)

i don't usually write characters with siblings in my works, which i don't really know why because i also am lucky to have a very close relationship with my siblings, but it has been very fun to write!

i'm so glad you dropped by! i literally love chatting with all you lovely people, so always feel free to send an ask or a dm my way! i may be a bit slow to reply at times, but i will always try my best to reply!

(and cruella hongjoong is my favorite joong, so i couldn't not. and i won't lie, i have to restrain myself from using him for every one of my writings. oops.)

(ahh, this actually made me laugh. and, yes, while it would not technically be canon clothes wise, please feel free to imagine things however you want in your head. because, let's be honest, i think everyone wants this version of yunho.)